Whose Line Is It Anyway: Life With Derek Edition
by OriginalDeadman
Summary: 1000 points to Derek? Casey cracking bald jokes at Colin? Ryan still making jokes at Drew? Most importantly, how long can they keep the MacDonald/Venturi clan in the dark about it being a game? When will they find out? Now - outright Dasey, implied Lizwin
1. Intro, Superheroes, Weird Newscasters

A/N: Okay, here's my first shot at humor. The plan was to combine some good old 'Life With Derek' action with classic games and lines from 'Whose Line Is It Anyway'. Dialogue will be identified by name. Other keys:

(words) - action  
_'italics'_ - thoughts  
**bold text** - captions

Special thanks to JonJ and his work "Whose Line Is It Anyway: Love Hina Edition" for being a great read and for being my inspiration to do this fic. Games and sequence will probably be modeled from his story, although I'll try to mix the order up now and then.

Disclaimer: I don't own Life With Derek or Whose Line Is It Anyway.

* * *

Drew: "Good evening everybody and welcome to our special one hour "Life With Derek" edition of Whose Line Is It Anyway! On tonight's show: Nora's celebrity crush: Wayne Brady (Wayne smiles brightly), the bane of Casey's existence: special guest Derek Venturi (Derek gives his patented "Derek Smirk"), George's shirt provider: Colin Mochrie (Colin glances to the side and looks back at camera suspiously), and "will you kids knock it off?": Ryan Stiles (Ryan holds a WLIIA card to his head, pretending to guess what's on the card). And I'm your host, Drew Carey, come on down and let's have some fun!

(Audience claps while Drew goes down the steps and has a seat behind the desk)

Drew: Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right the points are just like Noel's role in the show. Who cares? (guys onstage all chuckle).

Noel: Hey! That's not… (sighs defeated)…who am I kidding? He's right.

Drew: Today's our special "Life With Derek" episode, filmed in lovely London, Ontario, Canada. As an added bonus, none of the members in Derek's household know anything about this. Derek's neighbors, the Davis family, were kind enough to loan us their basement to house the improvisers. The MacDonald/Venturi house has been rigged with hidden cameras, microphones, and speakers. That's right, sixty minutes of Whose Line action against an unsuspecting family. Right before the final game, we'll reveal ourselves to the MacDonald/Venturi clan. As you all know, after each game I'll assign points, just a gag to keep the show together. At the end, I'll pick a winner, and the winner gets to do a little something special with me (audience hoots and hollers) and, what the heck, so does the loser. (Wayne pretends to 'smack that' in the air, Derek checks his breath, Colin gives a weird look, and Ryan mouths to the audience "it isn't that great.")

Drew: Our first game is …"Superheroes", and it's for all four of you. You're all going to act out a scene as unlikely superheroes. Derek, you're going to start, followed by Colin, Ryan, and Wayne. They're each going to name each up as they come in and try to screw each other up. Now, last night, we snuck in and poured Casey's shampoo down the bathtub drain. She's about to head to the bathroom to get ready and notice it's gone. Derek, you'll go in just like normal to annoy Casey, and the other three will sneak around through the front door and sneak in. Now what I need from the audience is an unlikely superhero name for Derek.

(audience begins yelling suggestions)

Drew: I heard the Overreaction Kid! So, Derek, Overreaction Kid, what are you gonna do?!

* * *

(Derek goes to the back yard and climbs up the tree to sneak back in through his room, while the other run around and sneak in through the front. Meanwhile, Casey walks into the bathroom and notices her empty shampoo bottle lying near the bathtub drain)

Casey: Someone poured out my shampoo! _'Now who could've done it'_ (Casey reaches her only logical conclusion) Der-ek! Get in here!

(Derek walks in and assumes the role of Overreaction Kid)

Derek: (acting scared) Why are you yelling at me so early! I'm innocent, I tell you!

Casey: Please, you're never innocent! Derek, my shampoo's gone! I can't get my shower now and it's probably all your fault!

Derek: Your shampoo's go… (drops to the floor and begins slamming his fist against the ground) Why did this have to happen?! Why?! I only hope that my super-friends will arrive soon!

Casey (stunned): Uh…Derek…it's not THAT big of a …

(Colin jumps in)

Colin: I hurried over as fast as I could!

Derek: (faking extreme joy, hoping up and hugging Colin) Oh, thank God you made it, Captain Hair!

(Audience erupts in laughter. Colin gives Derek an evil look. Casey, meanwhile, is standing there speechless at Colin's arrival)

Derek: Casey's shampoo is gone, which means she can't get ready for her day and she'll never leave the bathroom! Why did this have to happen! (fakes crying)

Colin: (pushes Derek aside) Stand back; my "Head Beam" should fix it. (Acts like he his lifting up a visor over his bald spot and shining a beam at the drain) It's not working, we need more help! (turns back to Derek, who pretends to be blinded by Colin's head beam)

Derek: My eyes! My eyes! I'll never be able to see again!

(Colin acts like he's readjusting his visor. Ryan walks in)

Ryan: Sorry I'm late! I couldn't get a cab!

Colin: Oh, it's "Toddler Doing Everything for the First Time" Boy!

(Ryan just stares at Colin, then proceeds to crouch down and pretend to act like he's trying to walk for the first time. Ryan falls over, then gets back up to his knees.)

Ryan: Ah, ah-ha.

Colin: Aw, how cute. (Proceeds to kiss Ryan on top of the head. Ryan then acts like he's spitting up. Colin wipes it up, only for Ryan to spit up again on Colin's hand. Colin gives a disgusted look as he shakes his hand off.)

Derek: Oh no! He's spitting up! He must've caught a virus, or, or worse! Aahhh! (Grabs two handfuls of hair and starts freaking out)

Casey: Derek, are you on drugs or something?! And why are these people in our bathroom?!

(Wayne jumps in)

Wayne: Sorry I'm late.

Ryan: Ah, the Bar Room Brawler.

(Wayne, assuming his role, acts like he punches Derek, who falls out on the floor. He then knees Colin below the belt, who falls to his knees. Finally, he cracks an imaginary beer bottle over Ryan's head, sending him down to the floor as well. Wayne then takes out a bottle of shampoo and hands it to Casey)

Wayne: Here, I swiped this from a biker at "Dick's in the Sticks" yesterday! That fresh lavender scent ought to clean you up after a night in this dump!

Casey: Uh, thanks.

Wayne: Uh oh (acts like he's getting a bottle broken over his head, then grabs himself by his shirt collar and the back of his pants) Whoa… Ahhh! (proceeds to "throw himself" out)

Ryan: Ah ha. (Walks over to Colin and starts sucking on his nipple. Colin mouths "Ow, ow" during the process)

Casey: EW! That's just wrong!

Ryan: Ah-ha. (Acts like toddler walking out of the room)

Colin: I must go now! Hair Power is needed elsewhere! (Pauses, then acts like he's shaving Casey's hair off and places it on his head) Away! (Leaps out of the room)

Derek: Yes! Another crisis solved! Yes, yes, yes, yes! (Grabs Casey in a hug and dances around the bathroom with her)

BUZZZZ, buzz, buzz!!

(Derek then realizes what he's doing)

Derek: O-kay, this is awkward…gotta go! (Runs out the bathroom and heads down the stairs)

Casey: DER-EK! Get back here you jerk! And what was that buzzing sound?!

(Lizzie walks out of her room)

Lizzie (groggily): Casey, why are you yelling so early in the morning? Don't tell me it was another fight with Derek?

Casey: You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Lizzie: Try me.

* * *

(Back at the Davis' basement)

Drew: Outstanding. I'll give each of you 1000 points, and an additional 500 points to Derek for reminding us why we call Colin "Captain Hair".

Colin: Here we go again. Drew's lightning rod of hate is back.

Drew: You know it. Your suggestion kinda backfired on you, didn't it?

Colin: Mm-hmm.

Drew: Thought you had him until Ryan sucked on your nipple.

Ryan: The things you do for a good laugh. (shakes his head and pretends to be disgusted)

Wayne: That poor girl didn't know what was going on.

Derek: If you enjoyed that, then you'll love today. I have so much fun doing crap like this to Casey…or anyone in the house for that matter.

* * *

(Back at the MacDonald/Venturi house, in the kitchen)

(Casey walks in while everyone else – minus Derek – sits around the island eating breakfast)

Nora: Casey, honey, are you okay?

Casey: I wish. This morning, I went to the shower and someone had poured all my shampoo down the drain. Then Derek came into the bathroom acting all weird. And to top it all off, there was a group of guys with him acting like weird superheroes.

George: Wait, did you say there were other people in the house?

Casey: Uh, yeah.

Nora: In our bathroom? While you were in there?!

Casey: Relax mom. They were too busy acting like idiots to try to do anything. Besides, I was fully clothed.

Marti: Yay, Smerek brought some playmates!

Edwin: Maybe one of them can invest in my business plans.

George/Nora: Kids…

Casey: Ugh, I'm going to go watch some news.

* * *

(Back at the set)

Drew: Now on to our second game: Weird Newscasters. This is for all four of you. (Colin and Derek go to grab the stools, while Wayne and Ryan take their respected places on the stage). Colin, you're going to be the anchor of a local news show. Derek, you're the co-anchor, and you are Casey complaining about the latest screw-ups in her life. (Derek lets out a small chuckle) Think you're up to it, Derek?

Derek: Of course! Casey's gonna be so pissed!

Drew: Wayne, your doing the sports and you are a Jamaican love god reporting live from the bedroom where he's on a hot date.

Wayne: Hi mom. (Smiles weakly, holding out his hand and giving a thumbs up)

Drew: Yeah, giving someone their groove back. (Wayne busts out laughing) Ryan, you're doing the weather and you're a lost toddler looking for his mommy (Ryan gives a "what the hell" look to Drew). As usual, our captions will show to add to the twist. So Colin, when you here the music, you can start this newscast.

* * *

(meanwhile, at the MacDonald/Venturi House: Casey and Lizzie are arguing with Edwin and Marti about what to watch)

Casey: Edwin, I was watching that.

Edwin: Come on, Marti and I want to watch cartoons.

Lizzie: Casey's news is almost over, can't you just wait a couple of minutes.

Marti: I want to watch my cartoons! And where's Smerek?!

(The kids starts arguing more, until George reaches over and grabs the remote, turning the T.V. off.)

Edwin: Dad!

Casey: George!

George: Not until you behave!

(The kids look at each other, then…)

Kids (defeated): Okay

Nora: Okay, Casey, you can finish watching your news. Then, the rest of you can watch cartoons.

(The kids nod in agreement)

George: Much better.

(George flips on the T.V. The "Weird Newscasters" theme is playing on the T.V. as the cameras zoom in on the WLIIA crew.)

Nora: Hey that looks like…

George: I think that is…

Everyone: DEREK!

Edwin: When did Derek join the news crew?

Casey: Shhh! Let's just see what the heck is going on.

Colin: Welcome to the morning news, I'm your anchor, Oswald That-Ends-Wald. (Drew cracks up, while Derek's family gives the T.V. an "is he for real?" look) Our top story today: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer dead at 53.

Lizzie (looking over to see Marti's lips quivering): Uh oh.

Marti (crying): What?! NOOOO!

(George and Nora start trying to comfort Marti)

Colin: I know, it is sad. (Drew starts laughing again, since he knows what's going on at the moment) Over Barcelona today, the famed reindeer was hit by a flock of seagulls and a 747. (pause) Eyewitnesses report that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane. (Drew erupts in more laughter, Derek glances down slightly and shakes his head while restraining chuckles, Wayne doubles over in laughter, and Ryan covers his face to hide the laughter.)

Marti (still crying): Stupid plane! Why did it have to kill Rudolph!

Nora: Marti, sweetie. Rudolph isn't really dead.

Marti: But Nora…

George: Marti, when have you ever known your brother to be on the news?

Marti: Uh, never.

Casey: Right, which means him and this group of weirdoes are up to something. Rudolph is really okay, sweetie.

Marti (drying the last of her tears): Okay.

Colin: For the rest of today's stories, let's turn it over to our co-anchor, Faye Kit-nightly.

Derek (**Casey MacDonald complaining about her life's latest screw-ups**): (doing his best pouting face and whining voice) Ugh, today Marti poured all my perfumes in the sink, Edwin ate the last of my favorite cereal, and George shrunk my ballet outfit in the dryer. How do Mom and Lizzie put up with these animals? On top of that, I'm on my period, Max broke up with me, my science project is due in three weeks, and … (giving a disgusted look and reaching like there's something in his hair) there's honey in my shampoo?! Why that no good…Der-ek! (resumes the pouting face and crosses his arms)

Colin: This just in, dogs in a five mile area go deaf.

Casey: I do not act like that!

Edwin: Uh, actually Case, you do.

Casey: Edwin! I do not whine like that!

Nora: Uh…

Lizzie: Sadly, I have to agree with him.

Casey: Lizzie!

(Casey starts to complain, but is cut of by everyone else)

Colin: And now on to sports, with our sports announcer, Reggae Jackson.

Wayne (**Jamaican love god reporting live from a bedroom**): Hello mon. Good to see you come back 'round here girl, me haven't seen in long time. Me want to tell you a little something about the sports, but before me tell you about the baseball and the football, I'll tell you about my favorite sport of all. Oh, it's not baseball, but me use a bat. It's the sport of making love. And I only make love to the most beautiful women in the world, like this woman right here. (looks over to his left to a very stunned Derek, who proceeds to get up and ease over toward Drew's desk) You know what they call me, girl? They call me Reggae Jackson!

Lizzie: This is getting weird! Can someone please change the channel?!

Casey (mashing buttons furiously): The stupid channel won't change!

(meanwhile, Derek's at one end of Drew's desk and Wayne's on the other end)

Wayne: No girl, you can't leave! (climbs up on Drew's desk and straddles it) Listen baby, I'm a Jamaican sex god! (Proceeds to raise him up on his arms and starts moving his body up and down) We can go fast, go slow, however you want to go! Oh, yes mon! (Derek runs back up the stage, Wayne hops off the desk and is in pursuit) Wait baby! Wait baby! Don't leave me! (Wayne catches Derek and wraps his arms around him. He then proceeds to bring Derek back his sports area) I'm going to let get back to the sports, but before you go, I want you to see the kiss that I will plant on this lovely woman. (Wayne then proceeds to kiss Derek, who gets his hand over his mouth just in time)

Entire MacDonald/Venturi household: EWW!!

(Derek sits back down on his stool, pretending to fan himself and imitating Casey's dreamy look. Wayne props himself on Drew's desk)

Colin: Late breaking news – scandal erupts at local T.V. station: Jamaican love god and Canadian super keener fired for indecent display. More tonight at six. And now on to the weather with our weatherman, Cole Front. Cole!

(camera zooms in on Ryan, who has his lips rolled out and quivering)

Ryan (**Lost toddler looking for his mom**): It's gonna be cold this weekend. And dark. And I'm gonna be all alone. (looks over to Colin) Are you my mommy? You're not my mommy. (walks forward a little bit, glances over to Derek) Are you my mommy? (walks off the stage towards one of the cameras) Are you my mommy? (shakes head)You don't look my mommy. (Ryan looks around some more. He looks over at Drew's desk and his face lights up. Drew gives the "oh no" look as Ryan runs over to him and proceeds to climb up in Drew's lap. Drew then hugs him and pats him on the back. Wayne starts laughing while Derek looks over and mouths "aw, that's so cute" to them)

Colin: That's it for the morning news! Join us tomorrow for more news, more good news! Good day!

BUZZZZ!

(Casey is finally able to change the channel)

Nora: Well, that was, very enlightening.

Edwin: Wow, we need more news like this! I really enjoyed this!

(Lizzie rolls her eyes at Edwin's comments)

Casey: Oh, shut up. What the hell was up with that news show?

Nora: Casey?!

Marti: Casey said a bad word!

George: We know…

Marti: Dad?

George: Yes.

Marti: What's a Jamaican sex god?

(Everyone face faults at Marti's question)

Casey: Great, Derek and those weirdoes are setting a great example for Marti. Wait, those were the same guys that were acting like stupid superheroes this morning!

Lizzie: A couple of those guys looked familiar…

George: What is that boy up to?

* * *

(Meanwhile, back on the set)

Drew: That was great. 10,000 points to Wayne for being in such great shape and not trying to get me a second time with that 'Jamaican love god' bit. 5,000 to Derek for doing such a great job mocking his stepsister.

Derek: Why thank you.

Drew: Unfortunately, I have to subtract 100 manhood points for doing too good of a job.

Derek: Damn it!

Drew: Ryan, only a 100 points for making me have to hug you on television. And sadly, no points for Colin, since he made a little girl cry with his headline.

Derek: You made my little Smarti cry?!

Colin: I didn't mean to. Guess I should've used a better headline.

Derek: I'll let you slide this time (giving a warning look to Colin). Also, here's 100 of my points for the "dogs go deaf" comment about Casey's whining. (Acts like he's handing points over to Colin) Don't let anyone else know – I've got a rep to maintain.

Ryan: Wow, he's so nice to a total stranger, but treats his crush so badly.

Derek: What was that?!

Ryan (straightening up and crossing his arms): Nothing!

Drew: We'll be right back with more Whose Line. Don't go anywhere.

-commercial-

* * *

A/N: Hope you guys enjoy it. I'll try to keep it coming.


	2. Greatest Hits, Newsflash

A/N: Finally, I got the 2nd segment up! This was a lot harder than I thought it would be - just makes me respect the 'Whose Line' guys even more. Anyway, I've also been writing this in between studying some video tape series for school. With my job getting ready to start back up in a couple of weeks, it'll probably limit what I'm able to do in terms of new stories and updating existing ones. I'll try to keep updating in between work, watching football (go Clemson!), and trying to be a good husband - but if I'm not able to, you'll have to understand that FF writing will be a very low priority.

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD or WLIIA.

Now, on with the show!

* * *

Drew: Welcome back to our Life With Derek edition of Whose Line Is It Anyway, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Hey, did you know that teenagers, if they're hugged everyday, have better confidence and they do better in school? So if you see me hugging your teenage daughter – I'm only trying to help.

(Guys bust out laughing)

Drew: Now on to our next game, Greatest Hits, and it's for Wayne, Colin, and Ryan. Ryan and Colin are going to be pitch men for the latest compellation album and Wayne's going to sing snippets of the songs suggested with the help of Laura Hall, Linda Taylor, and CeCe Worrall. Since this is our Life With Derek special edition of Whose Line, the name of the album will be 'Songs of the MacDonald/Venturi Household'. Most of the family appears to be in the vicinity of the T.V., and Casey is watching 'Dr. Phil' now, so this will take place during a forced interruption.

* * *

(back in the M/V living room: Casey's watching 'Dr. Phil' while the other kids are playing a board game at the dining room table. George and Nora are in and out while trying to get chores done.)

Nora: Any idea about when Derek's going to be home? I want to get started on making some lunch.

Casey (sitting on the couch watching Dr. Phil): I don't know. Frankly, I don't care after the stunts he's pulled this morning.

George: Come on Casey, is this actually worse than some of the things Derek has done in the past.

Casey (annoyed): Yes George! He's already appeared on T.V. today! How do we know that this won't get any worse.

(Suddenly, the T.V. begins to lose signal and goes blank)

Casey: Hey, what happened to my show?!

(Nora looks over at George)

George: Don't look at me. I paid the cable bill.

(Screen come back on; Ryan and Colin are sitting on stools)

Nora: What's going on?

Casey: I'm changing it! (looks closer) Wait, those are two of the guys that were with Derek earlier!

(the younger kids, interrupted by the banter in the living room, leave their game and run up behind the couch)

Ryan: We're sorry, we're tired of watching 'Dr. Phil', so we're interrupting to sell you CDs about stuff you don't care about.

Colin: That show is CRAP anyways! This week, songs about our favorite Canadian blended family, the MacDonald/Venturi clan!

Edwin: Songs…?

Lizzie: …about us?

Marti: Cool!

Ryan: We've put together a lot of great songs all about the MacDonald/Venturis. 43 songs on one CD. But it's a big one (holds up his hands to indicate the size) and it's made out of chocolate!

(Colin gives Ryan a puzzled look)

Ryan: I had a little something to drink earlier.

Colin: I know!

Casey (sarcastically): Well, that explains a lot.

Others: Shhhhhh!

Colin: You'll love every song from every era. Did you know I play the banjo?

Ryan (cracking up a bit): Of course I do.

Colin: That's because I love Dixieland.

Ryan (looks offended): Excuse me?!

Colin: No, the music.

Ryan: Oh!

Colin: His wife is named Dixie Land. One of my favorite Dixieland, MacDonald/Venturi songs is "George and Nora Nag"

(musicians start up a Dixieland tune, Wayne pretends to play a banjo)

Wayne (singing):

Well, what do you do

When the kids are a pain in the head?

How do get 'em to stop?

How'd make it stop? That's what I said!

Well, here's a little something that I think you should do

It's called the nag – the George nag

First, you yell to the top of your lungs to make the kids stop

You can have Nora butt in when you have to cough

Then you yell and yell until fills their heads

Hey, it's my bag, it's the George brag

(Wayne notices that he goofed up)

Oh, that was wrong, that was wrong

Hey, start from the beginning of the song

Hey, that's wrong; hey, it's Dixieland

Oh, on and on and on we go

I want to throw this out of the show

Hey look, it's the George nag

(George is laughing as Wayne finishes up the song)

Nora: George!

George: What? I thought it was funny.

(Everyone else looks at George and rolls their eyes)

Ryan: Colin

Colin: Yes, Ryan?

Ryan: How much would you pay for this CD set?

Colin: Why I'd pay up to 50,000 dollars, but I'm an idiot!

(Drew, Wayne, and Derek start laughing)

Ryan: And you're from Canada, so with the exchange…

Colin: I'm still an idiot!

(laughter continues)

Ryan: Fortunately, it's only 89 dollars. You know, who could forget that grace…great, or grace…I say grace because it's a gospel hit "Remote! Remote! Give Me the Remote!"

(Derek's in the background laughing. Laura Hall starts playing an upbeat gospel tune on the piano)

Wayne (singing):

Now, I'm waiting for you to fill me with you power

Yeah

Oh, I'm slipping in trying to avoid the glower

Oh, look at that, the terror's untamed

There goes a slender hand trying to change my game

My remote! Woooo!

Oh! My remote!

Let go Casey, let go!

Better run, Lord, make her run

This isn't fun

Hey, hey

Lord, Lord, Oh believe what I saw

This isn't fun

'Cause the little brunette keener girl

Got socked in the jaw!

Ooohhhhhh, yeeeaaahhh!

(Edwin, Lizzie, and Marti are laughing)

Casey (angry): What's so funny?!

Lizzie (trying to catch her breath): Because that's how you and Derek act when you wrestle over the remote.

Ryan: Hey Colin.

Colin: Yes Ryan?

Ryan: What comes to mind when I say the word "Sting"?

Colin: The guy who sang for The Police? Hey, when he retires, will he change his name to Stung?

(Ryan chuckles and gives Colin a slight elbow nudge. They both glance at each other, smiling. Then, inquisitive looks take their place)

Ryan: Well, you know I laughed at first, but would he?

Colin: I don't know.

Ryan: Anyway, I've been a Police fan for so many years. You know, one of their most favorite songs, a song that was on top of the charts for 52 straight weeks, simply titled: "Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Slam!"

(Music starts; Wayne starts moving around like Sting)

Wayne (singing):

Yeah, yeah

My mom was dating

But got remarried too fast

Then fate seemed to be so sick

I though my life wouldn't last

There were three step-sibs right in front of me

Then, oh my goodness, oh my sage

I tried to run upstairs

Four, three, two, one, into my room

I heard him yell "Hey Space Case"

And all they heard was

Aaaaaaaaaah! Der-ek! Slam!

Aaaaaaaaaah!

Because that cute jerk pranked me

Aaaaaaaaaah! Der-ek! Slam!

Aaaaaaaaaah!

Ooooooh!

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah! Oh, oh, oh

Aaaaaaaaaah!

(As the song concludes, the T.V. screen goes black, then reverts back to Dr. Phil)

Lizzie: When did we get songs made about us?

Nora: Okay, this is getting weird.

Marti: Why was Smerek behind them laughing?

Casey: I don't know, but I think all of this is related to what happened earlier with his weird superfriends.

Nora: George, what are we going to do?

George: Well, we'll wait for him to get home, sit down as a family, find out what's going on, and if he's lucky, he'll be grounded until high school graduation.

* * *

(back at the stage)

BUZZZZ!

Drew: Just rocking. 5000 points to Ryan, Colin, and Wayne, and 100,000 to Derek for having to be mocked in a song.

Derek: Awesome! Not even a part of the game and I earn points – nothing better than getting something for nothing!

Ryan: Just like getting paid to sit behind a desk all day. (Stares at Drew)

Drew: Well, isn't someone a little jealous? By the way Derek, I heard your family talking about having a meeting with you. I think we've got a game we can use when that happens.

Derek: Will the others be involved?

Drew: Well, we can't let you have all the fun. Before then, we'll go on to our next game, 'Newsflash'! This is for Derek, Colin, and Ryan. Colin is going to be in front of what we call the green screen, but he doesn't know what's behind him. All he can see is a bunch of green. Derek and Ryan will be in the 'studio' and will give him hints as to what's behind him. Now, everyone is still downstairs and in the vicinity of the T.V., so this game will take place during another forced T.V. interruption.

* * *

(M/V house; Casey's sitting on the couch, arms crossed and staring straight at the T.V. She's not really focused at what's on the T.V.)

Marti (bounding up beside Casey): Casey, will you come play princess with me?

Casey (still staring dead ahead at the T.V.): Not right now Marti. Maybe later, after I kill your brother.

Marti (disappointed): But Casey, then Smerek won't be able to play with me.

Casey: Well, he should've thought about that before he decided to slander my good name on television.

(Marti walks off pouting as Nora and George join Casey)

Nora: Casey, don't you think you're being a little bit too harsh?

Casey: No, because he does this crap all the time. I'm sick of it.

George: Look, I know Derek can push your buttons…(Casey gives an evil glare)…but we're all going to sit down as a family, find out what he's been up to today, and get an apology out of him.

(As George is finishing up, the T.V. blacks out again)

George: Now what's going on?

Casey: I'm willing to take a guess. (Sarcastically) Oh Edwin, Lizzie, Marti! Your dear sweet brother's about to be back on T.V.!

(The other three hurry back into the living room, just in time to see the image of Derek and Ryan pop up on the screen)

Ryan (muttering): I thought a thong was like a sandal…

Derek (muttering): That girl at the strip club will show you otherwise…

(Drew and Wayne laugh; the MacDonald girls give a disgusted look at the T.V. that just screams 'Pig!' at Derek)

Derek (looking startled and whispering): We're on!

(Both 'anchors' straighten their appearances)

Derek (frantic): We interrupt this program to bring you a special news bulletin!

Ryan: There seems to be some action out there and we've got our man, award winning reporter Colin Mochrie on the scene?

Lizzie: Breaking News?

Edwin: I hope it's as good as this morning's news!

Marti: That dumb plane better not have hit Rudolph again!

George/Nora/Casey: Shhhhh!

Ryan: Colin Mochrie, can you hear me at the moment?

(Green Screen Background: Swimsuit models at beach)

Colin: Yes, I can barely hear you. As you can see, it's just pandemonium out here.

(Two girls are running down the beach towards Colin)

Ryan: Colin, can you keep us abreast of the situation.

(Audience breaks out laughing)

Colin: As you can see there's a lot of action over here (waving his hand to his right), but there's some over here too. (waving to his left; during the scene, a woman showing off for the came jumps across the screen, following Colin's movements)

Derek: There seems to be a lot of excitement (pauses as a shoot of a woman's back as she sits on the edge of a pool shows up on screen, starting at her butt and working upward) and exuberance…uh, can you describe your feelings with what's going on there?

Casey: I wonder if he even knows what the word exuberance means?

Marti: That looks like some of the stuff in Casey's underwear dr…

Casey (blushing): Marti! Not now!

(Shot of a woman dancing and blowing kissing faces at the camera shows up)

Colin: Well, I'm just trying to keep up with them…

(Drew breaks out laughing)

Derek: Can you describe what you see?

Colin: Sure, look at…(stutters)…it's beautiful! (Shot shifts to woman's backside, covered only by a thong. Person squeezes a lime over her) I have never been this close to this kind of action ever! (guys break out laughing; Scene shifts to woman crawling through the waves)

Ryan: Colin, it's Ryan. I was gone for a minute. Colin, how did this all start? (As he finishes, the scene shifts to a provocative shot of a woman rinsing off under an outdoor shower)

Ryan & Derek: Oh, my Lord!

Colin: It all started with Drew Carey throwing out 100 dollar bills at a press conference, and this happened! (waving his hand at the screen; Drew nods in approval) As you can see, I wish I had my camera.

Derek (chuckling): We wish you weren't there!

Colin: Pardon.

Derek: We wish you would move to the side a little…

Ryan: This is one of those stories where you're just getting in the way.

(Scene shifts to another woman showering, this time with a slightly more aerial view)

Colin: Am I?! Well, it's my job to be here! (Points to screen. At that moment, the woman turns more to where the front of her body is facing Colin, who is now pointing between her breasts) I'm going to stick my nose in there and make sure that I get to the bottom of this!

(Audience erupts. Drew and Wayne go into hysterics. Derek and Ryan stare at each other and try to restrain laughs)

Ryan: Hey Colin! I know it may be horrible there and, you know, two thongs don't make a right…

Colin: That is so true!

(Finally sick of it all, Casey grabs the remote and changes the channel)

Casey: Can you believe this crap?! (The female residents look around to see George and Edwin staring at the screen with their mouths open.)

Lizzie (slapping Edwin's arm): Edwin! You pig!

Nora (elbowing George in the ribs): George! How could you?!

George (flustered): Oh! I…uh…we were just so…uh…uh…Edwin, I'm drowning here.

Edwin: Sorry Dad, don't pull me down with you.

George: That boy is going to pay when he gets back!

Nora: And you're going to pay tonight when you sleep on the couch!

Casey: Ugh, at least we know where Derek gets it.

Marti: Those ladies didn't mind wearing that stuff. Casey, why don't you wear yours more?

(The others give Casey a questioning look)

Casey (muttering): Oh God.

* * *

(Back at the set)

BUZZZZ!

Drew (staring at a monitor): Well, they've just changed the channel. Colin, can you take one giant step to your left and try to guess who, or where you are.

(Colin steps over)

Ryan: That's it.

Derek: There we go.

Drew: Where are you?

Colin: I'm with some semi-naked women with…bums?

(Everyone else starts laughing)

BUZZZZ!

Drew: Close enough.

(Colin runs back up the stage to Ryan and Derek and takes a look at your monitor)

Drew: Incredible! 5,000 points to everyone, and an extra 5,000 to Colin for planning to stick his nose in a woman's cleavage for a story!

(Everyone laughs)

Colin: Really?

Ryan: Oh yeah. When you pointed to the screen and said you were going to stick your nose in there and get to the bottom of the story?

(Colin starts laughing again)

Derek: Now that's what I call a game right there!

Drew: You got it brother.

Derek: Something for the kids, grandma, everybody.

Wayne: Also, because your family probably freaked out.

Drew: Well, The MacDonald women were upset and the remaining Venturi men got into trouble for being a little too attentive. Your sister, on the other hand, had some fashion tips for Casey.

(Derek grinned from ear to ear)

Wayne: Maybe Casey will let you get to the bottom of it later, if you know what I mean, Derek.

Derek (giving an evil look to Wayne): You're a sick man Brady!

Drew: OK, we'll be right back with more Whose Line, plus a confrontation with Derek's family when we come back!

-commercial-

* * *

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it. Stay tuned for more.  
- The OD


	3. Quick Change, Improbable Mission

A/N: Well, now that I've saved my fanfic documents on my computer, I decided to go ahead and get this chapter finished and updated. It might be a while before a new one comes, but I hope you guys will like this one - especially since I incorporated one of the most famous moments in "Whose Line" history. Just be patient with me and I'll keep the goodness coming as much as possible. Thanks to all of the readers who have left reviews, named this fic as a favorite story, or placed on story alert - you guys rock!

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD or WLIIA - I do own a busted up Kia and a diploma from Clemson University, but that's about it.

Now, on with the show!

* * *

Drew: Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway: Life With Derek Edition, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Hey, be on the lookout for Colin's new show. It's a cross between "Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?" and "Hair" – it's called "Where in the World Is My Hair?"

(Everyone except Colin laughs)

Colin: That's it, laugh it up. Whatever happened to the commandment about not joking about bald people?

Wayne: That only lasted until you did the breaking news report about yourself.

Derek: Ah, that one was a classic. You guys have the best job in the world.

Ryan: At least it beats having to work on "The Drew Carey Show."

(Drew holds up a card to hide the middle finger he's flipping Ryan from the camera)

Drew: Alright, let's move on before I have to use all the points to hire new performers. Our next game is one that Derek has been looking forward to because it will involve a confrontation with his family and it will be…

Derek: No whammies, no whammies, no whammies, no whammies…

Drew: Quick Change!

Derek: Yes!

Drew: This game is for Derek, Colin, and Ryan, with the help of Wayne on the microphone. In this game, the players are gonna act out a scene, and every so often, Wayne is gonna yell 'Change.' Whoever spoke last will have to replace what they just said with something completely different. It's a good game to play at a party while everyone's loaded… Now, the scene is that Derek's family is waiting on him so that they can confront him for this morning's actions. Derek will enter first, then Colin and Ryan will join them later in game. Sound fun? Take it away, guys!

(Derek, Ryan, and Colin head back over to the MacDonald/Venturi house)

* * *

(Back at the MacDonald/Venturi residence; everyone minus Casey is sitting in the living room waiting on Derek)

George: Well, while we're waiting, I think we should decide who will confront Derek first.

Nora: I think that you should, considering that he's your son.

Edwin: Got to agree with her on this one, Dad.

Lizzie: Me too.

Marti: Me three!

George (sighing): Okay, fine. (Looking around for a moment) Wait a sec, where's Casey?

(Casey comes bounding down the stairs with one of Derek's hockey sticks)

George: Uh, Casey? Why do you have a hockey stick?

Casey: Well, I'm going to give Derek ten seconds to explain himself, apologize, or say a prayer, and then I'm going to crush his skull in for what he's done to me this morning.

Nora: Casey, this isn't the way…

(Nora is interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and Derek entering the house)

Derek: Hello, ladies and gentlemen! (looks around to see everyone staring at him seriously) Hey, what's with the poker faces?

George: Son, I believe you have some explaining to do.

Derek: About what?

Casey (irritated): Cut the crap, Venturi! What's with all the silly shenanigans?

Derek: What are you talking about?

Wayne: Change!

(The others look around after hearing Wayne's voice)

Derek (imitating Robert De Niro): You talking to me? You talking to me?

Casey: Don't act cute right now! What is up with all this stuff going on this morning, and who were those three guys that were with you earlier?

Derek: Those guys were friends of mine!

Wayne: Change!

Derek: Those guys were with the Richard Simmons Fan Club!

Wayne: Change!

Derek: Those guys were with the "Plumbers who wear their pants too low and show off ladies' thongs" union!

(Drew and Wayne crack up)

Edwin: What are you talking about bro?! They weren't wearing their pants too low and were rather sharply dressed for plumbers!

Casey: Do you think this is funny Derek?! Why you little…!

(Casey raises the hockey stick to strike Derek. About that time, Ryan and Colin walk in.)

Ryan: Hey, what's going on? Hey, hey, hey! We don't hurt innocent people here!

Lizzie: Derek is never innocent, especially with comes to messing with my sister! And who are you and this bald guy?!

Colin: What's with all the bald cracks?! Why can't I just be a normal person for once?!

(Everyone except for Derek and Ryan looks dumbfounded)

Lizzie: Uh, I was just describing you.

Ryan: Now you've done it.

Colin: That's it! You know what, you look like a…!

Nora (interrupting): You can't talk to my daughter like that!

Colin: You're all a bunch of prejudiced morons!

Wayne: Change!

Colin: You're just a bunch of crossdressing ballet dancers!

George (infuriated): Listen up, you sorry son of a…!

Wayne: Change!

Colin: Where's the bathroom, this baby's gonna blow!

(George is about to grab Colin, but stops after hearing that)

George: It's up the stairs and to the left! For the love of God, don't go right here!

Colin: Oh, its okay, I'm fine now.

Marti: Dad, what's a bald crack?

Colin: Well, I guess it depends on what you know about pork butts?

Lizzie: What?

Ryan: He has issues.

Wayne: Change!

Ryan: He needs tissues.

Wayne: Change!

Ryan: He likes to steal shoes. Especially my fancy blue shoes. (Everyone looks at him funny) I had a little something to drink earlier.

Casey: Yeah, we caught during the commercial for the music album.

Nora: A drink does sound good after what's happened so far.

Casey: Mom, not right now. Why are you coming into our house acting like a bunch of idiots, and then keep popping up on our TV?

Colin: It's OK! We're professionals!

Wayne: Change!

Colin: It's OK! We're toilet cloggers!

Wayne: Change!

Colin: It's OK! We're just goofy guys that dance around in our underwear while doing the "Crank dat Superman"!

(Drew and Wayne start busting out laughing)

Casey: Ew, ew, ew! That's just gross!

Edwin: Dude, why would you do that in public?!

Lizzie: They're just messing with us! (then looks uncertain) Right, Derek?

Derek: We don't dance around in our underwear! (Family let's out a sigh) We dance in tutus!

Family: What?!

Wayne: Change!

Derek: We don't dance around in our underwear! We dance around in g-strings!

Family: EEEW!

Wayne: Change!

Derek: We don't dance in our underwear! We dance around in corsets and fishnets stockings! Would you like to see? Break out the music guys! (starts singing and dancing) Soulja boy off in this hoe, Watch me crank it, Watch me roll …

Casey: That's it… (cracks Derek over the head with his hockey stick. Derek falls out in the floor)

George/Nora: CASEY!

Marti (worried): Smerek, are you alright?

Derek (stunned, still laid out on the floor): I'm okay.

Ryan: Now look what you've done, you idiot! We're going to need a needle, some thread, and a wet washcloth to fix him up!

Wayne: Change!

Ryan: We're going to needs some nails, a hammer, and a 2x4!

Wayne: Change!

Ryan: We're going to need the Bar Room Brawler to bring us that bottle of lavender shampoo to clean this mess up!

Colin: It's not safe for us here! We must flee, before they kill us! Let's go, Derek! (Ryan and Colin grab Derek, who is still woozy from the hit to his head, and run out the door)

BUUUUUZZZZZZZZZ!

Casey: Wait! Get back here!

(Casey runs outside and looks around, but Ryan, Colin, and Derek are nowhere to be found. She storms back in the house furiously. When they hear the door slam, the guys duck out from behind the bushes and head back over to the Davis house and the set.)

* * *

Drew: Wow, Derek are you okay?

Derek: Yeah, I'm good. (shakes the cobwebs out of his head). I've been hit worse than that on the ice.

Wayne: Yeah, we were worried for a minute. Just image what she would've done if she didn't like you.

Derek: I think we've already established that she doesn't like me.

Colin: I don't know. I think that was more of a love tap if you ask me.

Drew: Okay, we need to move on. We'll come back to this subject later. 10,000 points to Derek for that one and 5,000 points to Lizzie for making fun of Colin.

Colin: Hey!

Ryan: They didn't seem to care too much for Colin in that game, did they?

Wayne: Well, he did barge into a bathroom while Casey was in there and made Marti cry.

Colin: I think Wayne needs to be in more games so that they will dislike him as much.

(Guys chuckle)

Drew: Alright, let's go on to a game called "Improbable Mission". This game is for Colin and Ryan, who will be carrying out a normal everyday activity, and their instructions will come from Derek. What I need from the audience is a suggestion of a mundane, everyday activity.

(audience starts yelling out suggestions)

Drew: Laundry…(audience keeps yelling) laundry, laundry, laundry.

Wayne: Oh God, not again.

Drew: So, we've got some surprises in store to make this game a little more realistic, so guys, when you're ready, take it away…

* * *

(at the M/V house)

George: Well, this day has got to be one of the weirdest days I've ever experienced.

Nora: I've got to agree with you. I'm actually missing it just being Derek and Casey wrestling over the remote.

George: Kids, do you mind going to your rooms for a little bit while we talk. (Casey, Edwin, Lizzie, and Marti go upstairs to their rooms) Well, what do you think we should do with Derek after this one?

Nora: Why are you asking me? He's your son.

George: Well, what I have planned might be considered illegal in most countries – Canada included.

(suddenly, they hear a knock at the front door. Nora opens the door to discover Ryan and Colin on the porch)

Nora: Oh, it's you two… (prepares to slam the door, but is stopped by Ryan)

Ryan: Pardon me miss, but we just wanted to talk to you about earlier.

Nora: Oh, okay.

Colin: Can we come in?

(Nora motions for them to come in. George straightens up when he sees who it is, but Nora gives him a look that tells him it's okay)

Colin: Sorry about earlier. My name is Colin and this is my associate, Ryan. We're from the University of Toronto.

George: Okay.

Ryan: We're theater and performing arts professors, and we were checking out Derek for a possibility of enrolling him in our program after high school.

George: Derek…as a performing arts student? So, is that what this is all of this has been about?

(Nora is about to say something before she sees a small box on the coffee table labeled "For Colin and Ryan")

Nora: Hey, what's this? It's made out to you guys. (Gives it to Ryan. The guys open it up to reveil a cassette)

Colin (serious tone): Oh no. I thought we were out of the spy business.

Ryan: We're never out of the spy business, Colin. Not as long as tapes keep showing in random people's houses. (To George) Do you have a cassette player?

George (confused): Uh, there's one on the stereo over there.

(Colin and Ryan walk over to the stereo and place the tape inside. Ryan presses play)

Derek: How would you like to make money in real estate?

(Ryan stops the cassette, takes it out of the stereo, and places in the other way)

Derek: Good morning gentleman.

Ryan/Colin: Good morning.

Derek: How are you today?

Colin: Fine.

Ryan: I've got a little bit of a back ache…

Derek: How's your cold, Ryan?

Ryan: It alright. It's cleared up.

Colin: Like what am I, nothing?

Derek: I'd love to chat, but I'm busy being… (Ryan presses the fast forward button for a few seconds, then presses play again)…Gentlemen, today's mission is of the greatest importance. The Emir of Groovefunkistan, a small Middle Eastern nation, is coming to Canada to meet with the Prime Minister. Casey MacDonald is to escort him tonight to the meeting; however, her favorite blouse is dirty. Your mission is to locate and clean her favorite blouse. This tape will self-destruct as soon as you throw it out the …

(Ryan presses stop and takes the tape out of the stereo. Colin opens a nearby window and Ryan tosses the tape out of it.)

Derek: Boom!

Ryan: Thank God we picked window.

Colin: Well, we've got a mission. Let's get to it. (Colin and Ryan shake hands. The "Improbable Mission" music comes on.)

George/Nora: Oh no. This won't end well.

Ryan: I forgot were the blouse is located. You've got your Thomas Guide?

Colin: Yes (pulls guide out of his shirt and flips it open)

Ryan: According to this, the blouse is located upstairs in Casey's room. (Looks around) We can't use the stairs, they'll spot us. Quick, outside!

(Colin and run outside and head into the backyard)

Colin: We can sneak up through that window up there (pointing at Derek's bedroom window).

Ryan: We've got nothing to get up there with, I didn't bring any rope.

Colin: Wait, your hair! You know it's just one long strand!

Ryan: You said you'd never mention that again. (Colin reaches over to try and grab his hair). Wait, we can climb up this tree and sneak in!

Colin (exasperated): Okay, fine.

(Colin and Ryan start climbing up the tree, then head out on the branches towards Derek's window. Ryan loses his balance and grabs on to Colin to help steady himself)

Ryan: By the way, I love you.

Colin: Stop it!

(Both performers sneak into Derek's bedroom window. Ryan opens the bedroom door and sneaks over to Casey's bedroom door, trying the handle)

Ryan: The door's locked. (Holds ear to the door) There are people inside. We're gonna have to make a diversion so they come out and I can sneak in and get the garment.

Colin: FIRE! (Grabs Ryan and pulls him back into Derek's bedroom. Casey runs out of the room in a panic, with a handful of her valuable possessions)

Casey (panicking): I don't want to die! (runs down the stairs)

Ryan: That was easy.

(Colin and Ryan head into Casey's bedroom)

Colin: There's the blouse.

Ryan (picking up the garment): Here's one! No, we can't go downstairs… (pokes his head out the bedroom and looks down the hall) The bathtub. We'll throw it in the bathtub with some water!

(Ryan and Colin run over to the bathroom and place it in the bathtub. Ryan reaches for the faucet, but is stopped by Colin)

Colin: Wait! The faucet's rigged!

Ryan: What?

Colin: The faucet's rigged!

Ryan: In what way?

Colin: With an explosive! (Pointing out the device on the faucet) How long have you been a spy?!

Ryan (breaking up in laughter): I didn't see that! I guess that they really don't want people taking baths in this house!

Colin: Why don't we just take the faucet off and flush it? (flushed the device down the toilet)

Ryan (confused): How's that gonna work? (Explosion occurs. Water shoots out of the toilet towards the bathtub) Oh, stand back! (Water splashes into the bathtub) It's filled up the tub!

Colin: Perfect!

Ryan: We're gonna need some type of detergent.

Colin: Detergent, detergent...

Random cat in the corner: Meow

Colin: The cat! No, that's no good!

(laughter erupts on the set)

Ryan: Wait a minute, bars of soap, there's nothing but bars of soap and shampoo. (Pours it into the tub with the blouse) But we have to agitate it in some way.

Colin (getting in to the tub. Looks agitated towards Ryan): Give me the beans.

(Ryan pulls a can of beans out of his pocket and gives it to Colin. Colin opens the can of beans and eats it, then sits down in the tub. Soon, the tub starts bubbling up.)

Ryan: It's working! (Both of them check on the garment. Back on the set, Drew, Wayne, and Derek, along with the rest of the audience, is in hysterics) It's clean! (pulls the blouse out of the tub and starts blowing it dry)

Colin: It's taking too long! The Snackipark of Imar will be here any minute. (more laughter erupts back at the set)

Ryan (in laughing fits): We've gotta dry it ourselves...

Random cat: Meow.

Colin: The cat! (grabs the cat and starts using it to dry the blouse)

Ryan (in hysterics): The cat? Not the damn cat again...

(Drew starts beating on his desk in laughter. Derek, at this point, is laid out on the floor laughing)

Colin: It's clean. But it needs some fabric softener.

Ryan (through laughing fits): Fabric softener?!

Colin: Well, you can't have static cling. The blouse will stick to her... (motions his hands in front of his chest) things! (Ryan bends over, laughing hysterically) The cat! (Grabs the cat and starts patting down the blouse)

(Ryan continues laughing uncontrollably. He walks over to the door and looks out of it)

Colin: Is anyone coming?

Ryan (laughing): No. (However, he doesn't hear the sound of Casey storming back up the stairs)

Casey (furious): When I get my hands on those two...

Colin (finishing up the blouse): It's perfect, it's perfect!

Ryan: Good!

Colin: You'd better model it!

(Ryan grabs the blouse and tries to put it on)

Casey (barging into the bathroom): What the hell's going on in here?! (this startles Ryan, who drops the blouse in the tub) My blouse!

Ryan: Oh, it fell in the water again! Wait a minute, the cat!

Random cat (wet and cowering in the corner): HIIISSSSSSSS!!

Colin: The cat's wet now!

Ryan: Ah, geez.

Colin: Wait, give me a match!

(Ryan gives Colin a match. Colin strikes the match and lights the blouse on fire)

Colin: Ohh! (slaps forehead)

Casey: My blouse!

Colin (reaches into his shirt): It's okay, I have an extra blouse! (pulls out a blouse exactly identical to the one of Casey's he just burned up)

Ryan: Oh!

BUUUUUZZZZZZZZZ!

Colin: Quick, we must go before the mission is compromised! (Barges past Casey and runs downstairs)

Ryan: Good luck with the Emir of Groovefunkistan tonight. Tell him to keep his burnoose clean this time. (Follows suit and heads downstairs also)

Casey: What...huh...wait! (Runs down the stairs in pursuit, however, Ryan and Colin have made it out the house)

Nora: I'm afraid to ask what happened this time.

George: I'm not asking her.

Casey (runs out on the front yard, but doesn't see anyone there): Wait until I get my hands on you, you bald freak and you big stick with a big nose! And tell Derek when I get my hands on him, he's a dead man! (Thinking) _Why does this always have to happen? Why does he always have to do this to me?_

(back in the studio, Colin and Ryan enter to a standing ovation from the audience, Drew, Wayne, and Derek. Colin and Ryan take a seat in their respective places)

Drew: Outstanding! 50,000 points to Colin for bringing the cat back and 25,000 to Ryan for laughing uncontrollably.

Ryan: I couldn't stop laughing. He did it to me again.

Derek: Man, was Casey pissed off. I'd give you a million points for that one.

Drew: Well, you'll enjoy the next game – and we'll have a special guest to help us out. Stay tuned for more "Whose Line" right after this!

-Commercial-

* * *

Don't forget to review. Patience is a great virtue - I hope you guys can exercise a great amount until the next chapter.

Much love  
- the OD


	4. Let's Make a Date, Press Conference

A/N: Wow, I didn't think that this chapter would come to me so quickly. Guess it's best that I get this out of the way, b/c I've got report card grades to complete and wrestling practices getting ready to start up in the next couple of weeks. Plus, I'm getting ready to move out of my current apartment and into my new home, so things are about to get a little hectic in my life (which means FF writing will once again be on the back burner). Hope you guys enjoy it and don't forget to review.

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD or WLIIA. Otherwise, I'd be in Palm Springs with my "new" friends.

Now, on with the show!

* * *

Drew: Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway: Life With Derek Edition", a great hour you don't have to spend talking to your kids. (guys laugh) Well, so far, we've gotten Casey mad, the kids making bald jokes at Colin, and Derek's parents totally confused…

Derek: Although that's nothing new with my dad.

Drew: I think we won't like that comment too much.

Ryan: He might take you out behind the woodshed, if you know what I mean.

Derek: I don't know. He doesn't quite have the stroke he used to, if you know what I mean.

Wayne: Guys, guys. That's best left for another game, if you get what I'm saying.

Drew: Right. Now, on to our next game. Normally, we have one of our performers be the contestant, but for this game we have a special guest performer – and a friend of Derek and Casey's – Miss Emily Davis!

(Emily comes out on the set to an ovation from the audience. Guys grab the stools and set them up in their respective locations. Derek grabs an extra one and sets it up for Emily)

Emily: Aw, how sweet.

Derek: Don't get too used to it.

Emily: I know, you have a reputation to uphold. (To Drew) So, what game are we doing?

Drew: Our game is called "Let's Make A Date" and it is for you and all four of our performers. Now, Emily will be appearing on a dating-type show, while Wayne, Colin, Ryan, and Derek will be contestants hoping to be picked by her. Now, each performer has been given a strange characteristic or identity on these cards that they have never seen before. They have to act them out and Emily has to guess who they are. Now, as a added bonus, the MacDonald/Venturi family will is in the living room and happen to have the TV on, and this will come on after the current show that's on. So, we'll be interrupting them again and get some good laughs. So, Emily, when you're ready, take it away.

(As the guys look at their suggestion cards, Wayne giggles, Derek laughs, Colin gives a small chuckle, and Ryan just give his a strange look)

* * *

(back at the M/V household; the family is gathered in the living room. The TV is on, but no one is really paying attention to it)

Casey: What are we going to do about all of this crap that keeps going on?! Derek is going to pay for all of this.

Edwin: Why's everyone freaking out so much? I actually liked the stuff that Derek and his pals were doing. Even though the thing with the chicks on the beach got Dad and me in trouble.

Lizzie: Well, you should've kept your eyes in your head where they belong – pervert.

Nora: Kids, not right now.

Marti: What's a pervert?

George: Marti…?

(the show on TV ends, and a quick commercial made by Drew pops on screen advertising a 'new' dating show that is really the 'Let's Make A Date' game)

Drew: Stay tuned for the premier of "Let's Make A Date" coming next)

(The screen goes to a commercial. Something about it catches Casey's attention)

Casey: Hey hold up a minute.

Nora: What is it sweetie?

Casey: A commercial just came on advertising a dating show.

Edwin: So? Just something else you want to watch and no one else does.

Casey: No, it's not that. There's just something about it…

George: I think we might want to check it out.

Marti: Why daddy?

George: Maybe it will take our minds off of what's been happening. We've been doing way too much thinking about this whole situation.

(Show starts, Emily is pictured as the bachelorette)

Casey: EMILY?!

Lizzie: Oh my God, Emily's on TV!

Edwin: I bet you five dollars I know who she's with too!

(Before anyone can say another word, Wayne, Colin, Ryan and Derek appear on screen)

Drew: Welcome to "Let's Make A Date", the show where one lucky bachelorette gets to pick from four peculiar bachelors to go on a date with her. Our lucky bachelorette is none other than Ms. Emily Davis from London, Ontario, Canada! How are you doing today?

Emily: Fine. I am very excited to be on the show, Drew!

Edwin: Isn't that Drew Carey?

Lizzie: I think it is. When did he start hosting a dating show?

Edwin: Beats me.

Casey: Shhhhh!

Drew: Good! Well, we have picked four lucky bachelors for you today, and you get to ask them questions—two rounds of them, and then make a choice of which one you want to go on a date with. Are you ready to start?

Emily: Yes I am!

Drew: OK then, take it away!

Emily: Bachelor number one! How are you?

Wayne (**Novelty Singing Bass Fish**; Wayne has positioned himself to where he's laying on his side on top of the stool with his lips stuck out like a bass. Then starts singing.): It's so good to see, it's great to see you friend! Because I know that I want to date you 'til the very end!

Marti (excited): That guy is funny!

Casey: Just when I thought things couldn't get any weirder.

Emily: Strangely enough, you've answered my question and I didn't even have to ask it. Bachelor Number Two.

Colin (**Soap Opera Doctor desperate not to lose another patient**): Yes.

Emily: Hello.

Colin (pretending he's pulling gloves over his hands): Hello.

Emily: When I was a little girl, my grandma always used to dispense little gems of wisdom…

Colin: For God's sakes, I don't have time to listen to your ramblings! This is a matter of life or death. (stares at camera) I can't let it happen again. (gets up and walks closer to camera, giving weird facial expressions) I can't…let it happen…again. (Returns to his seat) If you want to be here, that's fine, but just stay out of the way! (acts like he's cutting open a patient)

Emily: And I thought I was the only drama queen in the room. Bachelor number three?

Ryan (**Desperate soldier in a foxhole during battle**): Keep your voice down!

Emily: Oh. (Ryan looks around suspiciously) Bachelor number three, I just love the grand rapids, that's where I go to be tranquil and get in touch with nature and let nature touch me sometimes. But, uh, where to you like to go to relax and unwind?

Ryan: Doesn't really matter – I don't think we'll be seeing any of those places again. (acts like he's placing his helmet on the end of his rifle and holds it up above the 'foxhole' to check for any danger) Maybe we will. (Places helmet back on his head) It ain't worth it. Is any of it worth it?! Why are we here?! There are no parades!

Emily: I don't know what you're here for, but I'm here to get me a man.

Ryan: Oh, I'm here to get me a man too! (laughter erupts from the audience) As many as I possibly can!

Emily: Bachelor Number Four! (Thinking) _Ooh, it's Derek, maybe I'll tease him—he's so cute when you take him by surprise…just don't want to piss Casey off too much. Otherwise, she won't let me be her maid of honor_ What do you think I'd look cuter in—an outfit that shows some skin, or one that covers me up?

Edwin: Hey, Derek's up!

Casey: He better not try to act like a pervert. _Especially to my best friend._

Lizzie: Right. Plus, he's got you. (family gives Lizzie weird looks, especially Casey) I mean, he's got you to deal with.

Derek (**Has taken a powerful aphrodisiac by mistake**): Well, I don't know. Boy, this headache is killing me, I hope that aspirin kicks in soon! Hmm, let me think now… (Sits for a moment, gets a nice soft expression on his face) Something that covers you up to leave you're beautiful body a mystery, or something that shows your every curve, and sexy legs…. Mmmmm yeah, I like the sound of that…

Family (minus Marti): WHAT?!

Casey: What is he doing?! As if he isn't horny enough?! (subconscious slip) _Although it probably would make him more appealing…wait, what the…ew, ew, ew…_

Edwin: Wow, you think you know a guy…

George: Edwin, not now.

Emily: Wow, you're a feisty one, Bachelor Number 4. Do you have adult desires like this all the time?

Casey (very peeved at this point): What kind of a stupid question is that?! You've known the idiot longer that I have!

Nora: Casey! Calm down!

Emily: Bachelor Number 1, you don't seem like you talk a lot. What words would you woo me with?

Wayne (singing): I really love you, we could have a ball. We can make love and you can mount me on your wall. (moves around like a novelty bass for a minute, then stops)

Emily: Wow, I don't know what to think of that.

Lizzie: You're not the only one.

Emily: Bachelor Number Two?

Colin (distraught): Why did she have to leave me? Why…? (looks at Wayne, then acts like he's warming up a defibrillator) Clear! (zaps Wayne) Clear! (zaps him again) Damn you! Damn you! (proceeded to beat Wayne with the defibrillator panels)

Wayne (signing): Why do you hurt, why do you hurt this bass? If you don't stop, I'll have to kick your ass!

(Drew starts laughing)

Emily: Okay, Bachelor Number Two, you're just a little on the crazy side. Usually, I like my guys crazy, but not psycho crazy. Bachelor Number Three?

Ryan: Yeah.

Emily: There are some things that are worth dying for. Love…?

Ryan: Yeah, I know what you're saying.

Emily: Do you?

Ryan: Yeah, I do. You know what? I'm coming over to you.

Emily: To me?

Ryan: To me. (audience laughs at his flub) To you. To me and you. Just gonna take a little peak up here (raises up to look out of his foxhole. Using his hands, he acts like a bullet hits him between the eyes, blowing his brains out. He then falls out on the floor. Colin runs over to him and acts like he's cutting his chest open, pulling out his heart, and squeezing it)

Colin: Live! Live! (slaps Ryan across the face a couple of times) Noooooooo!

Emily: Aw, that's a shame. We could've made a good couple. Bachelor Number Four: if you could find a woman with all the perfect looks, what would they be?

Derek: Mmmmmm… Silky long legs, oh yeah… Long flowing hair and a beautiful smile… Mmmm yeah, that is it, and soft smooth skin… Yeah… Mmmmm, that's nice and…

Emily (cutting him off, embarrassed) That's enough Bachelor Number Four. This is supposed to be a family show…

Derek: Not after I get done with you…(further embarrassing Emily)

Emily (in a hurry): I pick Number Four, but I want Number One to be there too!

BUZZZZZZ!

Casey: I'm gonna kill him for saying that!

Edwin: Whoa, chill out Case. It's just another one of those stunts or something that Derek and those guys are doing.

Lizzie: He's right sis.

George: Shhh! I think there's more of the show.

Drew: Okay Emily, can you guess who they are?

Emily: Alright…Bachelor Number One is a singing novelty fish or something…

Drew: Yes!

Emily: Bachelor Number Two is a doctor in a soap opera.

Drew: Yes! (Colin gives Emily a thumbs up)

Emily: Bachelor Number Three…you were a soldier…going after…trying to go...going under…

Drew: In a…

Emily: Foxhole!

Drew: Battle hole.

Emily: Yes! And Bachelor Number Four, is he a pervert or really turned on…

Drew: Sort of…he said he took something for a headache and then started acting like that. What's something that would make a guy act like that?

Emily (giggling): He took a Viagra or something like that?

Drew: Yes! It says here that he took a powerful aphrodisiac by mistake…

Emily (laughing): Sadly, that sounds like something Derek would do!

Derek: She knows me too well.

Drew: I believe that a certain best friend of yours would believe that too. (TV screen goes blank)

Marti: Awww, I wanted to see what Emily and Derek would do on their date.

Casey: Trust me, you're not going to miss much. I can't believe that Derek and Emily would do this to me again!

Nora: Casey, honey, relax. I'm sure it was just a game.

George: Yeah. Besides, wasn't those two guys the acting professors?

Nora: Right!

Lizzie: I just noticed that Drew mentioned Emily's best friend. Do you think he was referring to Casey.

Edwin: I think so. I've been doing some research…

Others (exasperated): Oh no.

Edwin: First, we see Derek running around with Colin Mocherie, Ryan Stile, and Wayne Brady.

Lizzie: Wait, how do you know all of this?

Edwin: On the internet. Oh, and if Derek asks, I didn't mess with his computer.

Casey: Get on with it.

Edwin: So, he's running around with these guys, and apparently Drew Carey is in cahoots with them. I'm telling you, there's a conspiracy.

Others: THERE IS NO CONSPIRACY EDWIN!!

* * *

(back on set)

Drew: Outstanding performance, especially by our guest performer, Miss Emily Davis!

Emily (smiling): Thank you so much!

(Everyone applauds)

Drew: A million points to Emily for that one! And Ryan, instead of points for that one, I'm going to grant you your one wish. (pulls his coat out and pretends to flash a boob at Ryan)

Ryan (spitting out his water and placing a hand over his eyes): Oh, my eyes!

Derek: Remind me to kill Edwin for getting on my computer. Also, what are we going to do now? He's found out information about you, and Edwin's a real pain when he tries to get to the bottom of something.

Drew: Don't worry. We put a special content blocker on your computer that removed any references of us guys being on Whose Line. At worst, all Edwin would know is that we're all comedians and Ryan is a big stick with a big nose.

(guys chuckle at Drew's comment. Ryan just gives Drew an evil look)

Emily: Before I leave, I have a present for you Drew!

Derek: Isn't activity with minors illegal in this country, Drew?

Emily: Not that kind of present. Geez, get your mind out of the gutter. (Pauses) What am I saying? Anyway here you go. (Gives Drew a WLIIA envelope and whispers something in his ear)

Drew: Wow, that would be a really good game. Plus, we could really manage to piss of some more people.

Emily: I knew you'd like it. (Walks over and hugs all of the guys goodbye) Good luck with the rest of the show.

(Emily exits with another round of applause from the audience)

Drew: Okay, now for our next game – a wonderful suggestion from Emily, I might add – "Press Conference"! This is for all four of you.

(guys head out on the stage. Colin grabs the podium and brings it out, while Drew hands Derek the card for the others to read)

Drew: Derek, Wayne, and Ryan are news reporters attending a press conference held by Colin, but Colin doesn't know who he is. (guys read the card that Drew gave them. Wayne and Ryan laugh hysterically, while Derek grabs the card and holds it up to conceal the middle finger that he's flipping Drew) He has to guess who he is based on questions by the others. So, when you're ready Colin, take it away with the press conference.

* * *

(back at the M/V household, everyone's focused on the TV)

Lizzie: So, why are we doing this again?

Edwin: I'm telling you, they'll pop back up here again.

Casey: I can't believe that we let you talk us into this Edwin.

Marti: Yeah, I'm missing cartoons for this.

(Suddenly, the 'press conference' being held by Colin comes up on TV)

George: Okay Derek, let's see what damage you and your buddies cause this time.

Colin (**Casey announcing she's having Derek's love child**): Thank you for coming here. (Audience laughs) I know that this conference was called on short notice, but I promise you that there will be chunky raisins for everyone.

Casey: What the hell?! These guys are sick!

Lizzie: I knew it!

Edwin: Huh?

Lizzie: Nothing!

Marti: Shhhh!

Colin (pointing to Wayne): Yes.

Wayne: Edmund Zuninnga for the Kenya Courier.

Colin: Ah! Click-click-click.

Wayne: Click-click. Yes sir. Are you sore at all?

Colin: I was, of course, a little bit, but uh lots of liniment and a lot of orange juice seemed to help that go. (pointing to Ryan): Yes.

Ryan: Jim Phillips, TV Guide.

Colin: Yes, Jim.

Ryan: Why?

Colin: Well, to that I have to give my standard answer, why not? It beats sitting around doing nothing! Actually, this is something that I felt would benefit generations that came after me. And that is why as it was happening, I documented it, on film, and it will now be shown in many schools. (Points to Derek)

Derek: Uh, not so much a question as I would like to complement you on your wonderful taste.

Colin: Thank you.

Casey: Oh God…(shutters)

Wayne: Is it human?

Colin: What are you talking about?! Of course it's human! It's mostly, 90 percent human! Yes.

Derek: Why…that choice?

Colin: Why not?

Derek: What fascinated you?

Colin: It all started with muffins.

Derek: Believe me, I know how it all started, but I think everyone else would like to know.

Colin: Well, it started with a discussion of rock bands over a muffin breakfast, and there it just became something…bigger…than you could hope for.

Derek: Ah, good times, good times.

Colin (somewhat confused): Good times.

Wayne: Are you doing this for the money, or is there some emotional attachment?

Colin: At first, I was going to do it for the money, but then there was a strong emotional attachment and a nice hat that came with it. (to Ryan) Yes.

Ryan: Was it a natural childbirth, or was it in a manner of his choosing?

Colin: It was very painful…and it did take place in a hockey ring.

BUUZZZZZZ!

Drew: Okay Colin, I think you've got it figured out. Who are you?

Colin: I'm Casey MacDonald announcing that I'm having Derek's love child.

Drew: Yes!

(TV then goes blank and goes back to normal programming. Everyone except Marti is staring at it with their mouths hanging wide open. It takes a few seconds before anyone can respond)

Edwin: Did…that just happen?

Lizzie: I…think it did.

Nora: George?

George: Yeah?

Nora: I sure as hell hope your son was acting.

George: Me too.

Casey: Me three.

Marti: Why is everyone so upset? I think that Smerek and Casey would make a good couple.

(George, Nora, Edwin, and Lizzie stare at Marti like she's grown another head. Casey freaks out)

Casey: AHHHHH! Impure thoughts! Impure thoughts! (Turns around and runs up the stairs)

* * *

(back in the studio, Drew and the guys are watching these events on a monitor)

Colin: Wow, temper, temper.

Drew: I think I can feel the heat radiating off of her from here.

Wayne: She's pissed.

Derek: That's my quirky, obsessive-compulsive Space Case for you. (Guys give Derek a weird glance. Derek doesn't stare back at any of them) Stop giving me the looks before I punch one of you in the face.

Colin: Are you sure it'll be safe to go back over there for any more games?

Ryan: There better be some extra points in this if she breaks the hockey stick out again.

Drew: I think we might have to spend all the points to send Casey to therapy.

Derek: Guys, relax. I piss her off like this on a daily basis. Give her a few minutes, and she'll be back to her normal grade-grubbing, keener self by the time we head back over there.

Wayne: Let's hope so.

Drew: Stay tuned, there's more Whose Line coming up right after this!

-Commercial-

* * *

A/N: Whew! Another one in the books. Again - hope you guys enjoy it (b/c it might be the last one for a while) and leave plenty of good reviews. Also, for those of you wondering when games like Irish Drinking Song, Hoedown, Party Quirks, and some of the other games will occur, be patient. All good things will happen in time.

'Til next time  
- the OD


	5. Show Stopping Number, Secret

A/N: Wow, I never though I would get to this. Sorry for the long time between update, but I finally got settled into my new house and finally found some time to get this completed. It wasn't easy - this chapter went through a couple of rewrites. Hopefully I'll get at least one more chapter in by Christmas at this rate. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD or WLIIA. (evil side breaks loose) If I wasn't married, I'd try to own Ashley Leggat (the OD: what the...? get back where you belong, evil side! *scuffle ensues*)

* * *

(during commercial break)

Wayne: So you think everything will be smoothed over when we get there?

Derek: I'm sure. Look, you guys are talking to the lord of the lies here.

Colin: So?

Derek: Look, you and Ryan told Dad and Nora you were professors, right?

Ryan: Yeah.

Derek: So, I tell them that what's happened so far was an audition for you guys that I fixed up.

Drew: You think it'll work?

Derek: Of course.

Wayne: Well, how will I factor into this?

Derek: Look, you guys are the improv geniuses. Make something up.

Keith (WL director): Get ready guys, we're back on in five.

(guys straighten up and resume their respective positions)

* * *

(show returns from commercial)

Drew: Hey, hide the donkey and put away the carrot, it's time for more Whose Line Is It Anyway!

(audience claps. Derek acts like he's throwing a carrot off the side of the set)

Drew: By the way, we just got some new points in from Prague. They're Czech points. (guys and audience laughs) Well, before the break, we've caused quite a scene at the MacDonald/Venturi residence, making us wonder how much longer we can keep the whole charade up with this group.

Derek: Man, you guys are a bunch of sissies. Look, we'll be fine, okay.

Drew: Whatever you say man – it's your family. And don't get me started on the stuff with your stepsister.

Derek: Shut up.

Ryan: Guys, can we focus? I've got a mortgage to pay, and Colin's getting balder by the minute over here.

(guys laugh, Colin gives Ryan an evil look)

Colin: Don't make me go get the cat!

(more laughter ensues)

Drew: Alright, let's move on to a game called "Show Stopping Number" and this will be for all for Derek, Colin, and Ryan. How about that Wayne, you get to take a break in this one.

Wayne: What a concept – I get to sit back and watch the insanity!

Drew: Don't worry buddy, we'll get you back into the action before too long. Okay, in this game, the guys minus Wayne are gonna act out a scene, and during the scene, I'm gonna buzz and whoever was just talking must break into a show-stopping musical number based on what they just said! Sound fun? Colin is a spunky theater instructor, and Ryan is his assistant! The scene is: Derek, you are going to go tell your that you are doing this for a theater class, and apologize to them for upsetting them – like that would ever happen in real life (Derek chuckles). Colin and Ryan will accompany him, and they will also criticize Casey for her actions earlier. Take it away!

(Derek, Colin, and Ryan exit the stage and head back over to the M/V household. As soon as they are out of sight, Drew and Wayne start talking)

Wayne: Seriously, I've got to take up some kind of hobby when games like this happen.

Drew: Hey, I got an idea. Feel like dropping in for a surprise visit during the game?

Wayne: Sure.

Drew: Alright, head on over and just wait for them to get into the game good, and then you'll enter. I'm sure that it will mix things up a little bit.

Wayne (unsure): Okay. (gets up and exits the stage)

* * *

(at the M/V residence; Derek, Colin, and Ryan enter the house. Edwin and Lizzie are in the living room watching TV)

Derek: Hey, I'm home! (notices who's in the living room) Hey Edwin, hey Lizzie.

Edwin/Lizzie: Hey.

(Casey, hearing the commotion, rushes down the stairs. George and Nora come out of the kitchen to see who it is)

Casey (hissing): Hello Derek.

George: Where in the world have you been?

Derek: I've been with the professors from the University of Toronto.

Casey/Edwin/Lizzie (in disbelief): Professors?

Ryan: Yes, professors. I'm Ryan and this is my associate, Colin. We work in the theater department at the university and have been looking at accepting Derek into our program.

Casey (still in disbelief): Derek? University? Huh?

Derek: Do I need to draw you a picture?

BUZZ! (Music starts)

Derek (dancing around the room with Colin and Ryan):

Do I have to draw a picture man?

It's really not that hard to understand

These two guys

Want to teach me theatrical arts

And to think

You're the one that supposed to be smart

(Music stops. Everyone stares at the guys for a moment)

Casey: That's it. (goes for the hockey stick again)

Colin: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Violence never solves anything. Besides, our insurance doesn't cover vicious maulings.

Nora: Wait, so all of this stuff that's been going on is for Derek to be accepted into a theater program.

Ryan: Well, yeah. It was Derek's idea for the routine. He has a knack for doing comedy.

Edwin: Yep, that's D all right.

Casey (muttering): I think it's more like horror.

Marti: You guys have been so funny, except for what you said about Rudolph.

Colin (sheepishly): Sorry about that.

George: Are sure that Derek would be the best person to be looking at in this case?

Colin: Yes! Every other student and their audition we've looked at this year is CRAP! Derek's work is pure gold! (George takes a step back in shock) NEVER QUESTION MY INTELLIGENCE!

Lizzie: Is the bald guy insane?

Ryan: Hey! Don't make fun of Colin's baldness!

BUZZ! (Music starts)

Ryan (Dancing as before, followed by Colin and Derek):

Colin's bald

That's a fact

Don't make fun

Yessiree Jack

Because if you do

He'll beat you all

He'll turn into Captain Hair

And punch you through a wall

(Music ends; back on set, Drew is laughing very hard)

Derek (laughing): See? We're just having fun. When I picked some ideas to them, they just had to try them out.

(Front door opens and Wayne walks in)

Wayne: Hey guys, what's taking so long?

Edwin: What the…Wayne Brady? What's he doing here?

Colin: He's an old friend of ours.

Wayne: Yeah. We stop here on the way to the hotel and get told they'll only be a minute. Then I come in here and catch you guys singing and dancing.

BUZZ! (Music starts)

Wayne (Dances around, with the other guys in tow. Marti jumps in and starts dancing with them):

I come in here and catch you guys singing and dancing

Running around, dancing and prancing

Enough with the bits, and the shtick

Hey look, Casey's grabbing the hockey stick!

(Music stops; Derek quickly turns to see if Casey has another weapon)

Wayne: Gotcha

(Derek looks back at Wayne and punches him on the arm)

Marti: Yay! You guys are fun! Can they stay for a while and play Daddy, please?!

Nora: Marti, now's not the time.

Ryan: We don't mind hanging around and visiting for a while, if that's alright with you guys. Let us get Wayne over to the hotel and get him settled in first.

George: Alright.

Casey: George! You can't be serious about letting these idiots stay here?! (Turns around to storm off. Her foot catches one of the steps as she starts to head up, causing her to trip)

Lizzie: Casey, are you alright?

Derek: And Klutzilla strikes again.

(Casey, out of hatred of that nickname, shoots up and grabs the hockey stick again)

Derek: Uh-oh. Time to go.

(guys bolt out the door and head back over to the set)

* * *

(guys arrive back on the set)

Drew: Just awesome. 1000 points to each of you for managing to piss off Casey even more.

Ryan: We need to start getting hazard pay. That girl's gonna kill us.

Colin: At least we're getting a good workout from all of this running back and forth.

Drew: Alright, let's move on with a game called "Secret", and it will be for all four performers. This is an old game that dates back to the British days and to help us out with it, we've got a special guest, the former host of Whose Line – Mr. Clive Anderson!

(Special Music Plays, and everybody gives a standing ovation as Clive comes out and sits next to Drew!)

Drew: Hey there, Clive, thanks for doing the show today!

Clive: Good to be here, Drew! Ryan, Colin, and Wayne, good to see you three again. I also see Laura Hall there as well. So many memories…

Drew: Yeah! Just when you think there couldn't be any more fun on this show, I bring in a surprise!

Ryan: Ah, just like the good old days. Can we bring back jokes about no necks and baldness again?

Drew (laughing): Only if I am not the subject.

Colin: I missed those days. Someone who caught as much crap as I did.

Clive: Well, you'll still be catching crap here today, Colin. (notices Derek) Who's the new contestant here?

Drew: This is Derek Venturi – the whole reason we're here today. He's our guest performer.

Derek: Wow, I am not familiar with this game, or Clive for that matter.

Drew: Before I was the host of Whose Line, it was filmed in England and Clive was the host.

Wayne: That's where all three of us got our start on the show.

Derek: Wow, a lot more history to this show than I realized.

Ryan: Maybe Casey's right – you should study more.

Derek: Well, well, well, excuse me that I'm not like my klutzilla, grade-grubbing, cute pouty face stepsister.

Wayne (laughing): Wait a minute…

Colin: Did you just say…?

Derek (quickly): We will never speak of this again! (thinking) _Damn these guys. They keep messing with my head when a mention of Casey takes place._

Drew: Man, if this show makes it to air, I'll be amazed.

Clive: Uh, guys…

(Crew settles down)

Wayne: Okay, I think we're good.

Clive: Okay, now for the scene. You three are going to be acting out the scene of looking through Derek's house. Now I need a suggestion from the audience on where in Derek's room could a secret be found.

(audience starts yelling out suggestions)

Clive: I heard his desk drawer – that sounds good. So we will join the scene about twenty or thirty seconds before the secret is found in Derek's desk drawer.

Derek: Alright! Let's go!

* * *

(back at the M/V residence; Casey and Nora are sitting in her room)

Casey: Mom, I'm telling you that something strange is going on here.

Nora: Casey, dear, I know all of this seems weird, but this is a good thing for Derek. I mean, outside of hockey, he might not have many other offers.

Casey: But Mom, but all of this seems wrong. I mean, these guys that keep showing up don't even seem like the professor types. I'm telling you, I think Derek is up to something and he's really pulling out all the stops.

Nora: I don't know what else to say…(interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and closing. Nora and Casey peek out of the bedroom door to see Ryan, Colin, and Derek coming up the steps.)

Derek (noticing Casey and Nora): Hey Nora, what's up?

Nora: Nothing, just talking to Casey. (notices that only three of them are present) Hey, where's Wayne at?

Colin: He had to get settled in at the hotel. He told us to come on back and he would catch a cab back over here.

Casey: For what, to cause more trouble and grief?

Nora: Casey.

Derek: Actually, they just wanted to come look around and get to know us better, especially since I'm about to become their star student (giving is patented smirk; Casey rolls her eyes)

Ryan: Right.

(guys enter into Derek's room, with Nora and Casey following behind and stopping in the doorway).

Derek: Well, what do you think?

Colin: Looks like a tornado hit in here.

Casey: He must've cleaned up lately, it usually looks worse.

Nora: Casey, not in front of company.

Colin: Hey, do you mind if we see some of your boring schoolwork.

Nora: Derek, you had the nerve to tell them that?

Colin: It must be boring for a genius like this.

(Casey fakes a gagging noise)

Ryan: Why don't you check his desk drawer?

Colin: Of course.

Derek (faking nervousness): Wait, wait, I'll get it out for you.

Casey: But Derek, he's right there at your desk.

Derek: But it's my desk.

Colin: I've got it right here… (opens drawer and gasps, then takes a step back)

Derek: Aww man…

(Nora and Casey give Derek a dirty look)

Ryan: C'mon, it can't be that bad. I mean, how much porn can one guy hide in there?

Casey: Der-ek!

Colin: It's not that. There's a group of renegade Chihuahuas that have shot up the entire drawer with paintball guns and fled!

Ryan (laughing): What? Oh wait, I can see the paint in there too. Wow, why would you hide this in there, Derek?

Derek: It was supposed to be a booby trap for anybody that might go through my stuff. They were supposed to shoot the dirty rotten snoop, but the dog translator gave them the wrong message.

Colin: You mean you trained renegade Chihuahuas to protect and hide your stuff.

Ryan: Or to shoot poor defenseless people?

Derek: Afraid so.

Nora: Derek, why would you do that? Don't you trust us?

Derek: Well, when Edwin's in the room, they go on high alert.

Nora/Casey: What?

Derek: I've also been trying to get them customized M-16s for when Casey enters.

Casey: DER-EK!

Ryan: What kind of stuff would you hide in there that would require all of this?

Derek: Nothing too important, like money, CDs, movies, or porn, anything like that. It's just notebooks and pencils.

Colin: You did all of this for school supplies?

Nora: I don't understand.

Casey: You did all of this for a bunch of stuff that's useless to you? Why?!

Derek: Because I thought it would be fun. But then the booze from the party wore off, so it does seem pretty ridiculous now.

(Casey and Nora give evil glares)

BUZZZZZZZZ!

Casey: What the…?

Derek: Hey, we left that paperwork that you and Ryan wanted to show Dad and Nora out in the car. Let's go get it.

Ryan: That's probably a good idea.

(guys push past Casey and Nora and back downstairs and out the door)

Nora: That was weird.

Casey (examining Derek's desk drawer): I think they did it to us again – there's nothing in here.

Nora: I'm going to ask them about it when they get back in the house.

(Nora heads back downstairs. Casey examines the drawer and notices something. She grabs it and pulls it out)

Casey: What the hell is my pink bikini top doing in here?!

* * *

(Derek, Colin, and Ryan arrive back on set)

Drew: Just rockin'. I'm going to give you guys a 1000 points each.

Clive: I would give points for that game, but I spent them all buying a copy of "Songs of the MacDonald/Venturi Family".

Derek (laughing): I bet they were points well spent. (to Colin) Where in the world did you come up with that?

Clive: Colin has a knack for coming up with stuff like this.

Ryan: He's the popular, funny, bald guy and yet he still gets all the crap on this show.

Wayne: Not all the time. Remember when Drew thought Africa was a country and not a continent?

Derek: What? Wow, that is stupid, even by my legendary standards. (everyone, minus Drew, laughs)

Drew: One more mention about that and I'm going to start deducting points. Okay, we'll be back with more Whose Line, right after this!

-Commercial-

* * *

(*the OD unlocks a gogoplata chokehold on his now unconcious evil side*)

A/N: Damn, he wouldn't go down without a fight! Whew! Okay, don't forget to read and review.

Stay classy and be safe  
- the OD


	6. Two Line Voc, If You Know What I Mean

A/N: Well, another new segment. Things have been advancing along better than I thought they would. I will say, it's been getting a little tougher to do this because I really don't have time to watch WLIIA or LWD lately. ABC Family (when they do show WL) airs it after midnight, and LWD only comes on late evening. Thank God for Youtube b/c it's the only way I get to see anything these days. It might be awhile before I update, just because I want to make sure I'm not getting the characters in the story too OOC (reason why - I haven't seen LWD on a regular basis since the end of summer, and have only seen just a couple of episodes of the new season). As a favor, if you start to notice that problem occuring and it's hurting the story, let me know so I can hopefully go back and fix it.

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD or WLIIA.

Now, on with the show!

* * *

Drew: Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway: Life With Derek Edition". Hey, during the commercial break, we switched all the street signs in your neighborhood so everyone would get lost.

(everyone laughs)

Clive: Wow, it feels so great to be here and witness all the madness. If I hang around longer, I might get to witness a murder or two.

(guys laugh)

Derek: We'll, we're working on it.

Drew: Now, our next game is for Derek, Colin, and Ryan at its called "Two Line Vocabulary".

Clive: I'm not familiar with this game here.

Drew: This is one we've added since the British days. You'll really enjoy it. Now, in this game, the performers can only act out a scene, however, Ryan and Derek can only say one of two lines during the entire scene. The scene is: Colin and Ryan are talking to Derek and his family about an offer for Derek to be enrolled in the theater program at University of Toronto. Now, Ryan, the only lines that you are allowed to say are "Oops, I did it again" and "That doesn't look right". Derek, the only two lines you are allowed to say are "That's not what you said yesterday" and "What do you think about that". They can't say anything else, but Colin is allowed to say whatever he wants. So, whenever you're ready, head back over to Derek's house and take it away!

* * *

(back at the M/V residence; George and Nora are in the living room talking)

George: Look, I'm not happy about all of this mess, but if it's something other than hockey for Derek to get into college and make a living from, can we really complain?

Nora: I just think that Casey brings up a good point. What if this is all a ruse?

(Just then, Derek, Colin, and Ryan walk in)

George: Hey guys, how's it going?

Colin: Good. We just wanted to show you guys some paperwork about what we can offer Derek at our school.

Derek: That's not what you said yesterday.

Colin: Yes, I did say that. Weren't you listening?

George: Oh, the not listening thing happens a lot with him.

Nora: Well, let's have a seat.

(As everyone heads toward a seat, Ryan hits his head on an overhang from the ceiling)

Nora: Oh my God, are you alright?!

Ryan (favoring his head): Oops, I did it again.

George (confused): Huh?

Colin: Oh, that happens to him at least once a week. That's the risk that comes with being a big stick with a big nose.

(Ryan gives Colin a really dirty look. George still looks at them confused)

Ryan (pointing at George): That doesn't look right.

Colin: Stop it!

Nora: Can I get you guys something to drink?

Derek (to Colin): What do you think of that?

Colin: Sounds great. Water for all of us, please.

(Nora heads to the kitchen. George and Colin sit down on the couch. Derek sits in his recliner, and Ryan has a seat in the other chair in the room)

George: So, where should we being?

Colin: I thought I would begin with the tuition. For his first academic year, he would have a tuition of 5000 dollars.

Ryan (pointing at paper): That doesn't look right.

Colin: Of course it does! We got it from the financial services office ourselves!

(Nora comes back with glasses of water and sets them on the coffee table, then proceeds to have a seat next to George)

Nora: Well, what about room and board?

Colin: Generally, room and board runs about 1100 dollars, but that may vary with the choice of location and lodging plans.

Derek: That's not what you said yesterday.

Colin: Because we didn't talk about this yesterday! We talked about how to schedule classes around an athletics schedule! Geez! Will you pay attention once in a while?!

George: So, he would be able to pursue this and play hockey if he chooses to?

Derek: What do you think about that?

George: Well, obviously, your studies need to come first.

Derek: That's not what you said yesterday.

George (annoyed): Derek…

(at that point, Ryan knocks a glass of water over on the table)

Ryan: Oops, I did it again!

Nora: Oh no, look at this mess! (Grabs papers off of the coffee table before any water gets on them)

Ryan: That doesn't look right.

Colin: And neither do you! Go grab some paper towels or something to wipe it up with! (To George and Nora) Now, where were we?

(At that point, Casey comes downstairs)

Casey: What's going on?

Nora: Colin is showing us some of the things concerning Derek's acceptance into theater school.

Casey: By the way, Derek, can I talk to you?

Derek: That's not what you said yesterday.

Casey: I don't know what I said yesterday and I don't care!

(a loud bump interrupts her. Everyone looks to see Ryan at the kitchen entrance crouching and holding his head)

Ryan: Oops, I did it again!

Colin: Duck, you idiot! Doorways weren't made with you in mind!

Casey (quickly, before another interruption can occur): Derek, was all of that stuff earlier really so you can get into college?

Derek: What do you think about that?

Casey: If so, I could probably overlook some of the stuff that's taken place today. At least you're showing a change in priorities.

Derek: That's not what you said yesterday.

Casey (flustered): I didn't say anything yesterday!

George (still annoyed): Derek, don't you know how to say anything else?

Colin: If he can't learn to say anything else, I might decide to pull this scholarship offer.

Casey: I can help! (goes to grab the hockey stick, but loses her balance while going up the steps. Derek hops up out of his chair to stop her from falling, but gets knocked down to the floor with Casey)

Nora: Casey!

George: Derek!

Colin: Oh my!

(Derek is laid out on the floor with Casey lying on top of him. To an outside observer, they would appear to have been caught in a compromising situation)

Ryan (coming back from the kitchen with paper towels, laughing at what just happened): That doesn't look right!

Colin: Oh, it looks fine! I think it actually looks cute!

Casey/Derek: What?! (then look at the position they're in) Get off me! (pushing off of each other and scrambling to their feet)

Colin: Look, I need to go have a talk with these two goofballs! (pointing to Ryan and Derek) I'll just leave these with you to look over (gives George and Nora the papers) Let's go!

(Colin, Ryan, and Derek exit out the front door)

Casey: Note to self – never mention this to anyone.

George: Casey…?

Casey: Look, this is probably another one of Derek's schemes…(grabs the papers from George and Nora; then realized that the papers are actually from the University of Toronto) Holy crap! These papers are the real deal! What is going on?! (gives papers back to George and storms off upstairs)

George/Nora (muttering): Why did I think having kids was a good idea?

* * *

(back at the studio)

Clive: Wow Drew, that game was pretty funny.

Drew: I told you it would, didn't I? By the way, Ryan, Britney Spears called – she's suing you for copyright infringement.

Ryan: Oops, I did it again.

(guys laugh)

Drew: 500 points to Ryan for suffering multiple concussions in that game.

Derek: That's not what you said yesterday.

Drew (cracking up): Okay, wise guy. Now, for our next game, we will play "If You Know What I Mean" and this will be for Derek, Ryan, and Colin.

Wayne: Typical. Let's ignore the black guy until it's time to sing.

(laughter ensues)

Drew: Okay, you can go with them.

Wayne: I was just kidding…(Clive reaches over to hit the buzzer and stop him. Wayne shuts up)

Drew: Okay, our scene is you're auto mechanics. The guys are going to use as many obscure euphemisms and clichés related to the setting as they can. As an added bonus, Derek's family will be around having lunch. So, whenever you're ready, head on back over …

* * *

(at the M/V house, the family is in and out of the kitchen having lunch)

Marti: Dad, where's Smerek at?

George: I don't know, sweetie. He was talking to those two professors earlier, but I haven't seen him in a while.

Nora: I'm sure he'll be in shortly.

Casey (sarcastically): Don't get our hopes up – please.

Edwin: Wow, someone's in a bad mood.

Lizzie: Duh. Maybe they were finally leaving. Now things can get back to normal.

Casey: I didn't realize that things weren't normal today.

Nora: Casey, I know you're mad, but that doesn't give you the right to take it out on your sister.

(front door opens and closes. The guys enter and have a seat in the dining room)

Derek: Hey Nora, hey Dad, what's going on?

George: We're just having some lunch. Have you had anything yet?

Derek: No, not yet. Got any sandwiches left?

Nora: I'll bring you some (goes to get the guys some food)

Derek: My engine's not running right, if you know what I mean.

Ryan: Maybe you're a quart low, if you know what I'm saying.

Derek: I might need to start checking the dipstick more often, if you know what I mean.

Colin: Hey Wayne, I heard you got a new girlfriend.

Wayne: Yep. She's built like an F-150, if you know what I mean.

Edwin: What are they talking about?

George: I think they're talking about cars. Or women.

Casey: Probably both.

Ryan (to Derek): You might want to lube up the axle, if you know what I mean.

Wayne: You might need a jumpstart, if you know what I'm saying.

Derek: My hood's not going up all the way, if you know what I mean.

Ryan: Maybe you should lubricate, if you know what I mean.

Casey: I don't think that they are necessarily talking about cars.

(a loud screeching sound is heard outside. Everyone pauses for a moment. Then, Sam walks into the house)

Sam: Hey D-Man, what's up?

Casey: Hey Sam!

Sam: Hey. (notices Wayne, Ryan, and Colin) So, who are these guys?

George: These guys have come to check on Derek about attending university. Ryan's the tall one, Colin's the bald one…

Colin: Hey! Watch the bald cracks!

George: …and that's their friend, Wayne.

Sam: Nice to meet you guys.

Colin: Sounded like you need some repair work, if you know what I mean.

Ryan: You might need to put her up on the rack, if you know what I'm saying.

Casey: We think they're talking about cars, but we're not quite sure.

Sam: Well, thanks for the advice. I did blow a tire the other day, if you know what I mean.

(Back on set, Drew and Clive break out into hysterics. The guys try to restrain their laughter)

Casey (thinking): _Oh, no, not you too, Sam._

Derek: Wow, you must've picked up a nail, if you know what I mean.

Sam: Actually, I picked up a couple of screws, if you know what I'm saying.

George (muttering): Oh, Lord.

Casey (thinking): _Why does Sam have to act like this too?_

Edwin: This is kinda cool.

Lizzie (elbowing him in the ribs): Shut up.

Sam: I drive real hard, if you know what I mean.

Ryan: BEEP, BEEP, if you know what I mean.

Colin: My transmission is stuck in neutral, if you know what I mean.

(guys look at Colin weird)

BUZZZZZZ!

Derek: Maybe we could go get that fixed, if you know what I'm saying.

Wayne (noticing an evil glare from Casey): That's probably a good idea.

Sam: Let's go.

Nora (walking out with a plate full of sandwiches): Hey, what about your lunch?

(Derek grabs a sandwich and heads for the door. They rest of the guys follow suit)

Lizzie: That was weird.

Marti: I had no idea what they were talking about.

Casey: Good.

* * *

(Back at the set)

Drew: Alright, 1000 points to everyone, and an extra 2000 points to Sam for being able to play along with the guys.

Sam: Thanks, I think. (To Derek) Dude, what's going on here?

Derek: We're gonna be on TV, man!

Drew: Welcome to the set and cast of Whose Line Is It Anyway. It's the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.

Sam: I got it. The D-man and I used to watch the show a good bit.

Clive: Hopefully, we'll be able to include you in on the fun.

Sam: Sounds good. Count me in!

Drew: Alright, we'll be right back with more "Whose Line" right after this – don't go away!

-commercial-

* * *

As always, hope you continue to read and review.  
-the OD


	7. Whose Line, Props

Well, after more hard work and trying to find free time, I've completed yet another segment. Once again, thanks for all those that have reviewed and placed this story on their favorites list. Hope you will enjoy.

For one of the games, there were a couple of line borrowed from JonJ's story "Whose Line Is It Anyway: Love Hina Edition" b/c I thought they would be funny in my version of the game too. Those lines will be marked with a "+", so that you will know he deserves credit for those and not me.

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD or WLIIA. Sucks, I know, but I can only play the cards that Life has dealt me.

Now, on with the show!

* * *

Drew: Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway: Life With Derek Edition", where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Yep, just like Casey's morning breath, it doesn't matter.

Derek: But her nagging does! (guys laugh)

Ryan: Hey, where did Clive go?

Drew: He'll be back out when we reveal ourselves to Derek's family. Now, let's get back to business with another game. Believe it or not, we have a game on "Whose Line" called "Whose Line", and this will be for all four of you. Before the show, we had the audience to write down different things and one of the things we asked them to write were random lines that the guys can insert into the scene. During the scene, they will yank out these lines and read them. (guys come up to get their lines) Sam, you can go and join in, but we don't have enough lines fixed up for you to have any.

Ryan: You can have a couple of mine (gives some slips to Sam).

Sam: Thanks, Ryan. This is gonna be great.

Drew: Now, there's no plot to this game, just make conversation with the family. Colin and Ryan, don't forget that you are still theater professors.

Colin: Got it.

Sam/Derek: Let's go!

* * *

(back at the M/V house, in the dining room)

Casey: That whole car talk was just weird.

George: Hopefully, they'll be back in here soon so that we can get all of this straightened out.

Nora: I hope so. This is starting to get out of hand.

Edwin: Maybe I can learn about some of their material. This would be great in my next comedy routine at Smelly Nellie's.

Everyone (minus Marti): EDWIN!

Edwin: What?

(just then, the guys walk through the front door and enter the room)

Derek: Hey everyone.

Marti: Smerek! You're back! (runs up to hug Derek)

Derek: I couldn't leave for too long. I still haven't ran Casey off yet.

Casey: DER-EK!

Colin: I must say, it's been great to get to come here and hang out with Derek. It's been a while since we've had the chance to get together, and getting to enjoy the presence of a prospective student's family is a plus.

George: Really? I figured you see each other on a daily basis.

Ryan: Well, Colin and I see each other regularly since we work at the university, but having Wayne to visit is a rare occurrence these days.

Casey: So, how often do you visit prospective students?

Colin: Very seldom. But when we saw what Derek sent in, I found Ryan and told him (pulls out a slip of paper) "The British are coming, the British are coming!" With all those guys aggravating us, we just had to come here.

Lizzie: You guys are weird.

Derek: Well, when they said that they wanted to come visit, I just couldn't resist the opportunity to show them what to expect.

Edwin: Normally, that would run most people off.

Casey: As we can see, these guys aren't "most people" – (muttering) or normal, for that matter.

Nora (star-struck): I-I-I didn't know that you guys know Wayne Brady.

George (noticing Nora's actions): Nora.

Nora: What?

(George and Nora start whispering and motioning at each other. It gives the indication of "we'll finish this later")

Ryan: Well, Colin and I first met in the late '80s while we were doing comedy in Toronto.

Colin: Remember when we first met?

Ryan: Sure do. I saw you and said (pulls out slip) "Around here is where it's been giving me problems"+.

Colin: That's right – you confused me for a proctologist.

Marti: What's a proctologist?

Casey: I'll tell you later – and when I do, you'll probably won't dream of being a doctor.

Derek: Casey, Casey – you aren't supposed to kill the dreams of the young ones. Otherwise, the only thing they'll have to look forward to is the sound of people yelling (pulls out a slip) "Hey, who wants to play 'Drink the Beer'?!"

Casey: What does that have to do with anything?

Derek: Well, you don't want them to be a bunch of drunken bums on the street do you? Geez, you really are an idiot.

George: Derek, not now.

Nora: Back to the current question.

Ryan: Oh yes. Well, after a few years of doing comedy in Toronto, Colin and I joined the cast of a television show in England. About 1997 or 1998, Wayne joined the show.

Wayne: The first time I saw them, I remember Ryan saying to me (pulling out a slip) "I had no idea you were inflatable." (starts chuckling)

Lizzie: What?

Wayne: We were at a hotel pool. He thought I was an rubber float.

Lizzie (skeptical): Okay.

Nora: Earlier, you two were acting like spies (points to Colin and Ryan).

Derek (acting shocked): You mean they found out about that?

Colin: Yes, Ryan and I did work as spies briefly – didn't get to participate in any major missions.

Casey (sarcastically): I wonder why.

Ryan: Well, jealousy mostly.

Colin: But to this day, Ryan and I still live by their motto (pulls out another slip) "Why are you dressed like a French maid?"

M/V Family (minus Derek): WHAT?!

Colin: Ryan didn't have any decency whatsoever! Didn't you have any shame, man?!

Ryan: Well they were expecting us to be wearing spy outfits and carrying guns, but who was expecting this? (begins strutting like he was a maid in high heels. Drew, Colin, Derek, and Sam burst out laughing)

Casey: That's five years worth of therapy right there.

Sam: Hey Derek, remember when we went to Colin and Ryan's show at the University?

Edwin: Wait, you two went to a theater show?

Derek: It was a double date.

Sam: We went to see Colin and Ryan's great rendition of (pulling out a slip of paper) "How Does Food Become Poo?" (struggles to resist the urge to laugh) It was a medical play.

Nora (looking disgusted): How…interesting.

Ryan: I remember the famous line from that play (looks at a slip of paper) "Stand back, this baby's gonna blow!"

Lizzie/Casey: Ew, ew, ew, ew…

Marti: What does that mean?

Ryan: You really don't want to know.

Derek: Yeah, it was exactly as it sounded. Our dates were disgusted, but Sam and I laughed our asses off.

Casey: Typical.

George (changing the subject): Well, since you think that Derek has a shot of making into college, what's some advice that you have for him.

Colin: Well, the one piece of advice I give to my performers the most is (pulls out a slip, then sighs) "Have no fear, Captain Hair is here!"+

(Guys and Drew break out laughing. Everyone else looks at him weird)

Colin: Then after I receive look like that, I yell out "Dude, I HAVE NO HAIR!"+

(Drew, Ryan, and Wayne bust out into hysterics. Derek and Sam -somehow- are barely able to keep control of their laughter)

Casey: What's with these slips of paper?

Derek: They are to remind us (pulling out a slip) "Boy, I'm still hammered from last night." (Casey and George give him the evil eye) All we did we was get drunk and grope girls last night at that party.

Casey: Der-ek!

Ryan: Please, please, he was just kidding. Actually, they're to remind us to (pulls out one) "Hold me close and call me Ginger."

Marti (runs up and hugs Ryan's leg): Okay Ginger! (this actually generates a laugh from the MacDonald/Venturi family, as well as the guys)

Sam: Leave it to Marti to pull off something like that. By the way (pulls out a slip) "You should've seen what Casey did to herself with Derek's hockey stick." (falls in hysterics)

Casey: SAM! How could you say that?! I wouldn't do anything like that in a million years!

Derek: How can we be sure?

Casey (angrily): Why you …? (starts walking toward Derek)

Derek: Wait, before you kill me, I just want to say (pulls out a slip) "When are you going to admit to being a lesbian?"+ (Casey pauses, with a look of horror on her face. Derek starts laughing)

M/V Family: WHAT?!

Derek (laughing): Wait, what I meant to say was (reading another slip) "what's with the leather chaps?" I saw you walking around the house the other night with nothing but those chaps on and didn't get the chance to ask…?

Casey: Derek, I did no such thing! You should know better than that!

Nora: And were you implying that my daughter is a lesbian?!

Derek: Of course not. I was asking Ryan when he was going to admit to it.

Ryan: Of course I love women! (points to the wedding ring on his hand)

Wayne: Hey, hey, hey. Let's just calm down, relax, and (pulls out a slip of paper) "get naked and do the happy dance!"

Edwin: Sounds like a plan to me (acts like he's about to start taking off his shirt)

Rest of M/V family (minus Derek): EDWIN!

Derek: Damn it Edwin, you know that's reserved only for family fun nights!

Lizzie/Casey/Edwin: WHAT?!

George/Nora: DEREK!

Derek (muttering): Uh-oh.

Colin (pulling out a slip): "It's time to get the hell out of Dodge!" Hey guys, let's go finish looking at Derek's car.

Ryan: I'm with you on that one.

Sam: Yeah, plus I don't want to be witness to a murder.

(guys hurry back out the front door before anyone can respond)

Marti: I like those guys – they're funny. Especially that Ginger guy.

Nora (frustrated): Marti, now's not the… (she is interrupted by the sound of…)

Casey: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (everyone in the room covers their ears) I'M GOING TO KILL HIM! (stomps outside to find him, but see that no one is outside or around the garage) WHEN I FIND YOU, DEREK VENTURI, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU FOR ALL OF THIS CRAP! (heads back inside and storms off upstairs. The family cringes as they hear her bedroom door slam)

George: This is so aggravating. At this point, Derek getting into college isn't worth all of this.

(through all of this, nobody notices that Edwin has slipped out of the house)

* * *

(back at the studio, guys enter to a loud applause and Drew in hysterics)

Drew: Oh man, that was incredible (slaps his desk and accidentally hits the 'Party Quirks' doorbell)

Wayne: Hey guys, pizza's here. (guys chuckle)

Drew: 5000 points each and an additional 10000 points to Sam for his two lines.

Sam: Oh man, that was fun.

Derek: Easy for you to say. You don't have to go back over there when all of this is said and done.

Ryan: I do have one request for all of this (pulls out a slip) "Please – no hoedowns at the end". (guys start laughing)

(suddenly, they hear commotion and see Edwin bound down the steps into the 'studio')

Edwin: Derek? (then notices who's there) Sam? Drew Carey? What in the world is going on here?!

Derek: Oh crap! What are we going to do now?!

Drew: Let's consult the world crisis monitor.

Colin: You're running way behind today Drew.

Ryan: That's what we started the show with.

Wayne: Well, I guess the only choice is to tell him.

Edwin (confused): Tell me what?

Drew: Hey Edwin, welcome to the set of "Whose Line Is It Anyway: Life With Derek Edition"!

Edwin: "Whose Line?"

Derek: Come here Edwin. (Edwin slowly makes his way to Derek and stops) See that camera? (points to one of the cameras)

Edwin: Yeah?

Derek: You're going to be on TV with the cast of "Whose Line Is It Anyway".

Edwin: As in the TV show? (reality hits) I knew you guys looked familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it earlier! God, I'm an idiot!

Drew: The only thing is that this is supposed to be unknown to your family for the time being. You have to keep it a secret; otherwise, I won't allow you to leave for the remainder of the show.

Edwin (thinking for a moment): Okay, I'm in.

Drew: Good. Now, on for our next game – "Props". This is for Wayne, Derek, Colin, and Ryan. Now, Edwin will help set this up for us. Okay Edwin, here's the props for Wayne and Derek (gives Edwin two red plastic containers shaped like light bulbs) and here's the props for Colin and Ryan (gives him two black foam items shaped like the letter 'V'). Using these props, the guys must use these in as many funny ways possible.

Derek: Hurry up and get over there, Ed-weirdo.

Edwin (sets down the props): Oh yeah. Well, I'll tell Dad and Nora that (pulls out a slip) "Derek has naked pics of Casey on his computer." (looks at paper weird) Who came up with these things?!

Derek: That's it… (gets up and starts toward Edwin. Edwin quickly grabs the props and runs out of the room)

Ryan: We should come visit here more often.

* * *

(back at the M/V house, Edwin walks in with the props. He has a seat on the couch and sets them down on the coffee table. Soon, Lizzie and Casey walk downstairs)

Lizzie: Hey Edwin, what's up?

Edwin: Oh, nothing much. I'm thinking about expanding my comedy routine, but I'm kind of stuck.

Casey: Expand? How?

Edwin: Well, I wanted to get more into improvising. I figured I could use props or something like that, but I'm having a hard time coming up with things on the top of my head.

(George, Nora, and Marti come in)

George: Hey, what's going on?

Casey: Edwin's thinking up new material.

(Guys enter the house)

Derek: Hey Ed-weirdo. What's with the junk pile?

Edwin: I'm wanting to try to do improvising, but I'm having a hard time coming up with stuff.

Colin: Maybe we can help.

Edwin: Really?

Colin: Sure.

Casey (skeptical – and still angry at the guys): How can you get somebody to laugh from stuff like that?

Ryan: Got to be able to think quickly and have a good imagination. Hey Ed, mind loaning us those.

Edwin: Okay. Wayne and Derek, here's your props (hands them the plastic light bulb-shaped containers). Ryan and Colin, here you go (hands them the foam 'V's). So, who wants to go first.

Marti: I want Smerek to go first!

Edwin: Well, you heard the kid. Let's get started.

Derek (holds his prop over his head): I've got an idea.

BUZZ!

Colin (balances his V to where it will stand up on its point. He and Ryan step back): We've come here today to bury Bugs Bunny.

BUZZ!

(Wayne and Derek stand across from each other, each holding a prop)

Wayne: HUP! (Wayne and Derek toss their props at the same time toward each other and catch them simulataneously. They then turn to face Derek's family and hold the props up). HEY-HUP!

BUZZ!

(A/N: I have no idea what the hell he's supposed to be saying. Watch WL ep. 219 and find out on your own. If you can come up with a better way to spell, I would greatly appreciate it.)

Ryan (places the V's in the shape of an X): Not much of a cross-roads, is it? (Colin shakes his head)

BUZZ!

(Derek acts like he's rubbing the container)

Wayne (moving and waving his arms): I am the Great Genie of the Lamp.

BUZZ!

(Ryan and Colin stand the two V's upside down and place their hands on top of them)

Ryan: Buzz! (Imitating buzzing sound)

Colin: Aargh.

Ryan: What is Wisconsin?

Colin: Crap!

BUZZ!

(Derek acts like he's a woman walking down the street)

Wayne (holding the containers out in front of his eyes – fat ends out): A-OOOOOOO-GAH!

BUZZ!

(Ryan and Colin hold their V's with the point facing in front of them)

Ryan/Colin: Vrooooooooom, Vrooooooom (Imitating motorcycles)

Casey: Hey, let me try one.

Wayne: Okay. (hands her his and Derek's props. Casey grabs both of them and holds them out in front of her chest – fat ends out. Derek and Wayne, caught off guard, stare at her)

Casey: What? Pam Anderson didn't want them anymore.

Derek: Damn, those are big! (he and Wayne start to crack up. Casey gives them a smug look)

BUZZ!

(Colin places both V's in the shape of a diamond. Acts like he's digging with a shovel)

Ryan: Look at the size of that diamond!

Colin: We're rich!

BUZZ!

(Wayne sets the containers down on the ground next to each other. Derek acts like he's crying)

Wayne: Dearly beloved. Today, we mourn the loss of Britney Spears.

BUZZ!

George: Hey, how about we try one?

Ryan: Okay.

(George and Nora grab the foam V's from Colin and Ryan. They hold them up over their heads with the points in the air)

George/Nora: We're evil Smurfs, we're evil Smurfs…

BUZZ!

Derek (holding his prop with slender end placed up against his forehead): I hate being a teenager (acts like he's trying to squeeze a pimple)

BUZZ!

Ryan (holding his V behind his head to where the spread out part is over his head): Hi Rocky!

BUZZ!

Wayne (holding his prop out in front of him): So Colin, I… (pauses, then looks over at Colin)…Oh, hey Colin…(Colin gives him an evil look)

BUZZ! Buzz! Buzz!

(for once, the entire family is actually smiling and giggling)

Colin: See, you just got to be able to think on the fly. If it's good, the laughs will come easy.

Edwin: Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.

Casey: You know, when you guys aren't trying to aggravate someone to death, you can actually be pretty funny.

Wayne: I don't know whether to be insulted or be glad?

Derek: With what's happened earlier, I would take that as a complement. Casey can be very unforgiving when someone makes her mad.

Ryan: Well said.

George: So, what now?

Wayne: Well, the guys have got to take me back over to the hotel to get some stuff.

Colin: After that, we'll come back over for a little bit, then we've got to head back to Toronto.

Marti: Daddy, Nora?

Nora: Yes.

Marti: How about we throw them a party before they go!

Nora: Sweetie, I don't know…

Marti: Pleeeeeaaaaaasssssseeeee.

Edwin: Hey, that sounds like a good idea.

Derek: I've got to agree with Smarti and Ed-weirdo on this one. (then walks over to George and whispers in his ear) Besides, it might improve my chances of getting into school.

Lizzie: You're going to say yes, aren't you George?

Casey: You've lived in this house for over two years and don't know the answer to that question.

George: Alright. We'll get together a few things while you guys are gone.

Derek: Okay. We won't be gone too long.

(guys all leave while everyone else starts setting up for the party)

* * *

(back at the set)

Drew: Wow, I can't believe they warmed up to ya'll that game.

Wayne: I know. After all the stuff we did earlier, you figured they would be getting ready to shoot us.

Derek: We've got to get them mad one more time.

Colin: I think Derek's got a death wish.

Ryan: No, he just loves messing around and flirting with his step-sister.

Derek (glaring evilly at Ryan): You are going to pay dearly for that comment Styles.

Drew: Alright, but you guys have got to make it count. After the next game, we will reveal the secret to Derek's family (guys start clapping and getting excited). So stay tuned for more "Whose Line" right after this!

-Commercial-

* * *

A/N: First person to guess the next game gets free Taco Bell tacos! And finally, the guys will reveal themselves to the MacDonald/Venturi family. Will bloodshed ensue? More laughter take place? Will Derek and Casey get it on? Stay tuned! Don't forget to read and review!  
- the OD


	8. Party Quirks, Irish Drinking Song

A/N: Whew! I never thought I would get this one finished - it just seemed to take longer than others to get together and get it the way I wanted to. Hope all the readers will enjoy this b/c it will incorporate two of our favorite WL games - Party Quirks and Irish Drinking Song. Other favorites, like Scenes From A Hat and Hoedown, will be coming up in the remaining games. Only a couple of more segments left. Hopefully, I'll have the next one up by New Year's.

Due to the positive reviews, and the number of hits this story has received, I am strongly considering doing more "WLIIA: LWD". I'm thinking about doing another show where the LWD cast are invited back for another taping and a "Too Hot For TV" show that'll show the bloopers and uncensored games from the tapings.

Disclaimer: Don't own WLIIA or LWD. So please don't sue me.

Now, on with the show!

* * *

(During commercial. Several minutes have passed to give the illusion to the M/V family that they have actually left to take Wayne back to his 'hotel')

Colin: Well, we get to let everyone know about the show this round.

Ryan: Nervous, Derek?

Derek: Nah. Actually, I'll be glad to let them know. I think it'll mess with them even more when they find out that I'm actually not going to college.

Wayne: Dude, do you have any priorities at all?

Derek: Yeah, but why put more effort into something than what I need to?

Emily (coming down the stairs): That's Derek for you.

Sam (right behind Emily): You said it.

Derek: Hey!

Drew: Well guys, I think we found someone who's lazier than I am.

Ryan: I know! Who would ever believe that was possible?

Derek: Why you…

(Derek is cut off by the director)

Director: Guys, we're back on in ten.

(Guys start straightening up and get ready)

* * *

(End of commercial. Camera focuses on the guys. Clive, Emily, and Sam have joined Drew at the desk)

Drew: Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway: Life with Derek Edition! The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right; the points are like Derek's denial about his feelings toward Casey. (Guys laugh, while Derek puts his head in his hands and mutters some curse words). I am very excited about this part of the show, because we get to reveal ourselves to Derek's family shortly.

(A/N: Thanks to MissPopuri for providing me with the 'points are like…' line. Appreciate it)

Ryan: Hey Drew, how do you think that they will react?

Drew: I bet that Casey beats Derek with the hockey stick again.

Colin: I bet we all will sing a rousing rendition of 'Kumbaya'. (Drew laughs)

Wayne: I bet we get naked and do the Happy Dance! (Drew laughs harder, while the rest of the guys, Sam, and Emily look at him weird)

Clive: Guys, focus.

Drew (calming back down): Right. Now, Derek's sister actually opened the door for us to do this next game. It's called 'Party Quirks' and it's for all four of you! In it, the guys are going to each have a strange quirk or identity written on these cards that they are looking at, and have never seen before. Now, as always, there is a Life With Derek quirk in this game, and that is that Derek's family will serve as hosts and must guess who our performers are. So, whenever you're ready, take it away guys.

* * *

(back at the M/V residence, everyone is scrambling to get things together for the party)

Nora: Casey, could you grab those Ritz Bits?!

Casey: Okay.

(Nora notices that Casey has changed into a nice blouse and a blue jean skirt)

Nora: What are you dressed up for?

Casey: I'm going out with Emily later. I figured after everything that's happened today, I just need to get out of the house.

Marti: Will you please stay so that we can party with Smerek and his friends?

Casey: I'll stay for a little bit. And I do mean for a 'little bit'.

George: Edwin, Lizzie, can you get the drinks?!

Edwin/Lizzie: Sure.

DING DONG, DING DONG, DING DONG, DING DONG, DING DONG!

Nora: George, can you go get that?!

(George goes to get the door. Wayne is there)

George: Hi Wayne.

Wayne (**A bickering married couple**): Hey George, how you doing? (quickly walks back to the door; changes tone) You just gonna leave me in the car? (changes back to manly tone) Shut up! (speaking to George) You got any meat sticks here around here?

George: Uh, over there?

Wayne (in a woman's tone again): You know, the thing is your house is horrible. You need to… (changes back to manly tone) Stop talking and leave the boy alone. (back to womanly tone) You're fat and you're stupid! Waaaahhhh! (fakes crying)

Nora: Does he have some sort of multiple personality disorder?

(George shrugs his shoulders)

DING DONG, DING DONG, DING DONG, DING DONG, DING DONG!

Nora: I'll get that. You tend to Wayne.

George: Gotcha. Wayne, why don't you try...(George's voice fades out as he follows Wayne into the kitchen)

(Nora opens the door. Colin is there)

Nora: Hey Colin. Come on in.

Colin (**Has a personal vendetta against the neighbors downstairs**): Thanks. (walks in, then starts stomping all over the floor) How's that! (acts like he's drilling a hole, then grabs a 'shotgun' and fires it into the hole)

Lizzie: What's wrong with you?

Edwin: Dude, we don't have any roaches?

Marti: Are you okay?

DING DONG, DING DONG, DING DONG, DING DONG, DING DONG!

Edwin: I'm not getting it.

Lizzie: I'm not either.

George (coming back into the room): Fine, I'll get it.

(George opens the door. Ryan is there)

George (flustered): How's it going, Ryan?

Ryan (**Foal being born**): Fine. (Runs up behind Colin, then starts crawling between Colin's legs)

Colin (still trying to yell at the neighbors): AAAAH! AAAAH!

Edwin: Dude, what are you doing?!

Casey: Oh…my…God!

Lizzie: This is getting weird.

Wayne (in womanly voice): What kind of sick stuff is this?! (switches back to a manly voice) I said shut up! (back to woman's voice) I hate you!

(Ryan continues to climb up from between Colin's legs, then starts flopping around the floor. Back in the studio, Drew, Clive, Sam, and Emily are in hysterics)

DING DONG, DING DONG, DING DONG, DING DONG, DING DONG!

Casey: Please, please, please let this be Emily so that I can leave.

(Casey opens the door. Derek is there)

Casey: Derek, why are you using the doorbell? You live here.

Derek (**Early footage of King Kong versus Godzilla**): Dooo-dooo-doooo-do-do-do-do-do (imitates beating drums) Eeeeeh. Raaaa…(acts like King Kong, walking around and beating his chest)

Lizzie: Uh, Derek, are you okay.

Derek (acts like he's knocking down a building): Raaaaaaaaawr. (acts like Godzilla stomping around. Then imitates Japanese people running around)

Casey: God, I hate when we throw parties.

(George and Nora look around the living room and dining room. Wayne is yelling, Colin is stomping around the rooms, Ryan is flopping around the floor trying to get on all fours, and Derek is stomping around knocking stuff over)

Nora: What have we unleashed in here?

George: God only knows. (Suddenly, an idea pops into his head) Wait! I think they're doing another one of their games.

Nora (exasperated): Oh, great.

(While Casey isn't looking, Derek snatches her up and slings her over his shoulder)

Casey: Aaaaahhhhhh!

George: What the…!

Casey: DER-EK!

(Derek starts walking around the room with Casey in tow. However, he doesn't realize that in the process, he lifted up Casey's skirt just enough to where her pink underwear is showing)

Edwin: Whoa! Stepsister's unmentionables – 5 o'clock.

George/Nora: DEREK!

(Derek glances and notices what the fuss is about. He immediately sets Casey down on the floor and quickly pulls her skirt back down)

Casey (embarrassed): Oh my God!

(back at the set, Drew and Clive break out into further hysterics. Sam and Emily are speechless at what happened)

Derek: Aaaaa… (tries to act like King Kong again, but is in hysterics)

Wayne (fakes crying in woman's voice): He doesn't even touch me like that anymore. (in a man's voice) Because if you look the way you did in high school, I would touch you!

George: Now's not the time, Mr. "acting like an arguing couple"!

BUZZ!

Wayne: Yes! (goes and sits on the couch)

Derek (acts like he's throwing a chair): Raaawr!

Nora: Alright King Kong movie, you're grounded for what you just did to my daughter!

BUZZ!

Derek (laughing): But listen, I…

BUZZ!

Derek (still laughing): Okay. (goes and sits in his recliner)

(Colin is still stomping around and yelling at the floor)

Lizzie: What's wrong with you?

Edwin: Yeah. The people downstairs are nice. I don't know why you hate them.

BUZZ!

Colin: This kid's good. (joins Wayne and Derek in the living room)

(Ryan has finally gotten up to all fours and is crawling around the floor)

Edwin: And you, uh…

Nora: What's he supposed to be?

George: I don't know.

Lizzie: Who wants their bottle? (Ryan perks up and starts crawling to Lizzie) Who's a goofy-looking foal that was just born? (Ryan pretends to be nursing a bottle)

Edwin: What's a foal?

Lizzie: It's a baby horse, you idiot.

Marti: Yay! A horsey! (jumps on Ryan's back) Giddy-up!

BUZZ!

Ryan: Alright! Now, time to get up. (sets Marti down and walks into the living room)

(the M/V family is standing in the dining room glaring at the guys. Wayne is trying to talk to Derek)

Wayne: Don't feel bad. That happened to me in an episode before.

Derek (hiding his face): But I'm sure that it wasn't your stepsister whose panties you flashed in front of God, your family, and a TV audience.

George: Derek Michael Venturi, you are in so much trouble!

Casey: I'm going to kill you!

Ryan: Okay, okay, okay, calm down. It was an accident – accidents happen, alright.

Colin: Those happen in our games sometimes.

Nora: What is with all these games and silly behavior?! You have driven us up the wall all day!

Wayne: We can explain.

Derek: Actually, I don't think our explanation would make sense. I think we better show them.

Casey: Show us what?

Ryan: Let's go.

George: Go where?

Colin: Just follow us to the Davis' house.

Lizzie (uncertain): Okay.

(everyone leaves the house. Casey is the last person out, closing the door behind her. A couple of second later, Derek runs back into the house and starts shoveling snacks in his mouth.)

Everyone: DER-EK!

Derek: Okay, okay! (runs back out through the front door)

* * *

(back at the set – everyone's coming down the steps)

Casey: Why are we going to the Davis' basement.

Derek: You'll see why. Now, quit complaining.

(guys come down the steps first, followed by Derek's family. Audience breaks out into applause as they enter as they enter. Drew, Clive, Sam, and Emily give them a standing ovation)

George: Wow, I didn't know that the Davis' had a basement this big.

Nora: And it's holding a TV studio?

Drew: Welcome, George and Nora! Finally nice to me you two, as well as the kids!

Clive: By the way, who wants to have their skirt lifted on national television?

(audience erupts in laughter. Guys are all laughing. Derek buries his head in his hands)

Drew (faking excitement): Show my underwear! Mine! Mine!

(Casey shakes her head, a deep blush on her face)

Drew: Good thing you listened to your mother.

Casey (embarrassed): Yeah.

Clive (to the guys): Well, 1000 points each to all four of you for a splendid performance.

Drew: I think I'll give all of my remaining points to Ryan for sticking his face there. (Audience claps while Ryan shakes his head) Ryan "Anything For A Laugh" Stiles.

Ryan (taking a drink of water): That's how I got the job on "The Drew Carey Show". (guys laugh at Ryan's comment)

Lizzie: Points? Drew Carey? TV cameras?

Casey: Derek? What's going on here?

Drew: Why Casey, I'm glad you asked. Ready Clive?

Clive: You better believe it. Let's do it!

(Drew and Clive unveil a banner on the front of the desk that read "Welcome MacDonald-Venturis")

Drew: Guys, sit down and relax while the guys explain today's events. This will also be our next game, which is "Irish Drinking Song", where our guys will sing one line at a time and tell you what is really going on here. As always, we have the help of Laura Hall on the ivories. (guys take their place on the stage)

Clive: A new game? My, the show has changed since I've been gone.

Drew: It's really fun. Colin usually ends the song on a funny note. Take it away guys!

(Music begins)

Guys: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, ei-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-die!

Wayne: Oh, this morning we came to London…

Derek: Thanks to a request from me…

Colin: Look at the things we've done…

Ryan: That's the way it be…

Wayne: We're all from a TV show…

Derek: It really is a blast…

Colin: It's called 'Whose Line Is It Anyway'…

Ryan (holds up his hand): Look at the stone I passed!

(everyone laughs)

Guys: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, ei-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-die!

Derek: We played lots of games today…

Colin: Some were just like pranks…

Ryan: We had fun fooling you guys…

Wayne (fanning in front of his face): Jesus, Drew, that stanks…

(everyone except Drew laughs)

Derek: I hope you didn't get too mad…

Colin: We all laughed out loud…

Ryan: After what we did today…

Wayne: Casey should beat Derek in front of a crowd!

(M/V family laughs)

Casey: Finally, someone who understands me!

Guys: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, ei-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-die!

Colin: Whose Line is very fun…

Ryan: Funnier than you think…

Wayne: Just see what happens next…

Derek (hesitates): Casey looks pretty in pink…

M/V Family: WHAT?!

Colin: We love every minute of it…

Ryan: You have to stop and stare…

Wayne: There's more laughs ahead…

Derek (pointing at Colin): Hey dude, it's Captain Hair!

(more laughs ensue. Colin shakes his head)

Guys: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, ei-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-die!

Ryan: We're not quite done yet…

Wayne: There's more game to play…

Derek: For all your troubles…

Colin: A prize at the end of the day…

Ryan: We hope you have fun…

Wayne: Our laughter will mix and blend…

Derek: Stay tuned, we're not done…

Colin: You can put the stone back in my end!

Guys (Laughing): Ohhhhh, ei-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-die! (Laughing continues, everyone but Colin is laughing hysterically and can't finish the song)

Colin: Ohhhhh, ei-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-diiii-deeee-diiii-deeeeee-diiiiiiiiiiiie!

BUZZZZZ! Buzz! Buzz! (Drew and Clive are in hysterics. Everyone is laughing. The guys turn around to head back to their seats)

Derek (laughing): Put my stone back in!

Ryan (singing): You can put the stone back in my end. Oh, ei-di-de-di-de-di-de-di.

Wayne: Is this yours? (acts like he's placing a stone back in someone) That was smooth.

Colin: Try doing that, Cole Porter.

Drew (wiping his eyes and placing his glasses back on): Oh man. Colin, you're right – you really shouldn't be the last person.

Clive (still laughing): That was amazing. This is definitely an improvement to the show.

George: So, we've had the ultimate prank pulled on us by Derek and 'Whose Line Is It Anyway'.

Casey: I knew this was all a prank!

Marti: Cool!

Edwin: This is cool! (in a sing-song manner) We're gonna be on TV.

Lizzie: Huh?

Drew: That's right. In case you haven't figured it out, you have been on 'Whose Line' all day. This is the Life With Derek special edition of 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?'

Nora: So, all of this will be on TV?

Drew: Only the stuff that our censors will allow on the air. You'll have to get the DVD for the outtakes.

Casey: Please let the scene with Derek lifting my skirt be edited out.

Clive: We can't make any promises. A lot of material in our games will make it to air.

Casey: And these games went on all day?

Ryan: Yep. It started with the superheroes game in the bathroom, where Derek was overreacting about everything.

George: And you actually had Derek and Casey's friends involved?

Clive: Well, Emily's appearance was planned, but Sam accidentally came in during a scene. Which I must say was a great coincidence.

Edwin: Well, I actually snuck over here a couple of games ago and discovered everything.

Lizzie: So that explains you with the props that they used.

Edwin: You would be correct.

Drew: You know what…50,000 points apiece for the MacDonald/Venturi family for being such good sports.

Clive: And as an added bonus, you will get to join us for our remaining games.

M/V Family: What?!

Drew: That's right, there's more 'Whose Line' coming up after this! Stay tuned – the MacDonald/Venturis are about to crash the party!

-Commercial-

* * *

A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed it. For those wondering, Derek's performance in Party Quirks was a tribute to the 'Melissa Underwear Incident' from episode 211 of 'Whose Line' (plus, I figured it would be a good place to throw in something to satisfy the Dasey fans out there). Also couldn't resist adding Ryan's enactment of a foal being born - that poor guy does some weird stuff for a good laugh.

Stay tuned for more.  
- the OD


	9. Hollywood Director, Scenes From A Hat

A/N: Holy crap! I never thought I would get to this point. Sorry to all the devoted readers for taking so much time to update, but things have been very, very hectic in my life lately. I'm not going into details, but it hasn't been fun to go through. I'll try to update again as soon as possible, but if it takes a while, please forgive me as I have more pressing issues to deal with.

New dialogue: **bleep** - word/statement edited out by the censor.

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD or WLIIA. I wish I did - then I wouldn't have to worry about my finances so **bleep** much.

Now, on with the show.

* * *

(return from commercial. Guys are seated on stage. Drew and Clive are seated behind the desk. The M/V family, Sam, and Emily are seated in the front row of the audience)

Drew: Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway: Life With Derek Edition, where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are like knocking on doors at the MacDonald/Venturi house. Who cares?

Clive: Just because the family knows the secret now doesn't mean the fun is over. We still have plenty of show left.

Casey: Just as long as it doesn't involve Derek flashing my underwear anymore, then we're good.

(guys laugh at Casey's comment. Derek hides his face behind his hands)

Drew: That was kinda like a bad high school dream, wasn't it?

Casey: Yeah.

Ryan: Or a good one. Depends on your perspective.

Clive: I hate to interrupt, but Keith over wants us to move on with the show.

Drew: Alright, alright. We've got one more game before the MacDonald/Venturi crowds joins in. Now our next game will be for all four performers and it's called "Hollywood Director". Wayne, Derek, and Ryan are going to act out a film scene for us and Colin will be their tempermental Hollywood director. (Colin walks over to Drew's desk and receives an envelope from Drew) Now, Colin will have to give them notes every once in a while on how to make the scene better. Our scene is – Ryan is a star hockey player who is trying to impress a lovely fan, Wayne. Derek is her boyfriend and a rival player who has it out for Ryan. So, whenever you're ready, take it away!

Ryan (imitating skating noises and slapping a puck): Yes! That's my twentieth goal of the season! Yeah!

Wayne (jumping up and down and clapping): Yay, that was fantastic!

Ryan: Why, thank you.

Wayne: My, you are so swift and strong. Maybe you can show me some moves later.

(Derek then joins the scene)

Derek: Honey! What are you doing?!

Wayne: Oh!

Ryan (gasping): Venturi! We meet again!

Wayne: Sweetie, this isn't what it looks like!

Derek: First, you try to take my MVP award. Then my Stanley Cup. Now you try to steal my woman!

Ryan: You don't deserve any of those, you no-talent has been!

Derek: Why you…! (acts like he's decking Ryan with a punch. Ryan falls out)

Colin: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut! You know what? That was wonderful, you guys were great, that's a rap.

Wayne/Ryan/Derek: Oh really? Great

Colin: You see what I did? That is acting. What you did was CRAP!!!

Derek: I'm having a hard time staying in character.

Colin: I know you are! I've seen better character development on 'The Match Game'! (Derek looks offended) Now, let's try to concentrate and work hard!

Derek: Work hard, work hard. Last night, you didn't say that.

Colin: Shhh! (acts like he's whispering something to Derek. He then looks at his notes) Alright, what we need to do is mix it up, go for the unexpected. Do the entire scene backwards!

Casey: Just when I thought they couldn't get any weirder.

Colin (to Casey): I am a creative genius! NEVER QUESTION MY INTELLIGENCE! Action!

(Colin runs off. The groups starts off with Ryan laying down and Derek with his arm extended. Ryan proceeds to get up)

Derek (drawing his arm back): You why?

Ryan: Been has talent-no you, those of any deserve don't you!

Derek: Woman my steal to try you now! Cup Stanley then my. Award MVP my take to try you, first.

Wayne: Like looks it what isn't this, sweetie!

Ryan: Again meet we! Venturi!

Wayne: Ho!

(Ryan and Derek crack up and start laughing at Wayne's line)

Colin: Cut, cut, cut! That was terrible! (to Wayne) CRAP! (to Ryan) CRAP! (to Derek) Not bad! (looks at his notes) Yes, yes! What we need is movement. Do it like Riverdance! I want to see the sweat glisten! Action!

(Colin runs off. Wayne and Ryan start off the scene dancing)

Wayne: My, you've got some fancy footwork.

Ryan: All part of the game my dear.

(Derek comes out and joins them in dancing)

Derek: I'm going to get you punk.

(all three then strike various poses)

Colin: Cut, cut, cut!

Ryan: At the end, that seemed a little too 'Charlie's Angels'.

Colin: I wish!

Derek: Can I take a moment?

Colin: Take it.

Derek: Done.

Colin: That's why I love working with you!

Wayne: What about me?

Colin: Shut up! (looking at his notes) I've got it! What we need is passion!

Nora: I'm sure this is going to get weird.

Colin: Everything on this show is weird! Do it like you're filled with lust! (to Derek) You remember. Action!

(Colin runs off. Wayne and Ryan come out and resume the scene)

Wayne (rubs against Ryan): My, you're such a good player.

Ryan: Well, I carry a big stick, if you know what I mean.

Wayne: Oh yeah, big boy…

(Derek walks out)

Derek: What's going on?

Wayne: Oh, honey, you're home early…

Ryan (runs a finger under Derek's chin): You know, stud, there's plenty of room for one more.

Derek: Well, why didn't you say so? (acts like he's taking off his clothes)

Colin: Cut, cut! I'm getting turned on here!

BUZZ!

(guys return to their seats)

Drew: I'm going to have some bad dreams tonight, let me tell you. (guys and audience laugh)

Clive: Outstanding. I'll give 1000 each for that one.

Edwin: That's good, but I think I speak for the rest of us when I say we're ready to get in on the fun!

Marti: Yay! I want to play with Smerek and his new friends!

Lizzie: Calm down, you two.

Drew: Clive, what's our next game going to be?

Clive: It's called 'Scenes From A Hat' and it is for Ryan, Colin, Derek and Wayne, as well as Casey, Edwin, Lizzie, Marti, George, and Nora, you can step in as well if you want.

Marti (excited): Really?!

Drew: You can just step in and play when you want. This is just a quick, fun game…alright?

(M/V family nods in agreement, then start to head up to the stage)

Drew: Alright! In this game, we've had audience members write suggestions for scenes they'd like to see pulled out of this hat, and we take the good ones and put them into this All-American hat, no offense…

Edwin (looking into the hat): What's the dead rabbit for?

Drew (chuckling): My old career. Anyway, you all get to act out these scenes. You guys ready? Casey, Lizzie, and Nora, you can team up with Ryan and Colin, while Edwin, Marti, and George can team up with Wayne and Derek. (everyone lines up in their respective places) Clive, pull the first scene…

Clive (pulls out a slip): What Marti is thinking right now?

(Ryan walks out and points at Drew and Clive)

Ryan: Why do those two sit there and don't do anything?

BUZZ!

(George walks out)

George: I'm six years old with an imagination. Why the hell am I here?

BUZZ!

(Marti walks out)

Marti: If Smerek and Casey had a baby…

(The entire M/V family face-faults at Marti's sentence. Guys and audience burst out laughing)

BUZZ!

(Colin walks out)

Colin: Why is the bald guy the only funny one?

BUZZ!

Drew: Alright, let's see what's next. (pulls out a slip) Times when you would like to say "Let's see that again in slow motion."

(Casey walks out. Derek come out and, in slow motion, starts running toward her)

Casey (waving her hands in front of her and talking slowly): Nooooooo.

(Derek grabs Casey and throws her over his shoulder. Derek starts walking around and pretends to lift her skirt)

BUZZ!

(Derek sets Casey down and they walk off laughing)

Clive (pulls out a slip): Posts you'll never see on the church bulletin board.

(Nora walks out)

Nora: Hey! Satan's teaching a Tae-Bo class!

BUZZ!

Ryan: Hmm. No collection this week?

BUZZ!

Wayne: He has come and gone…Aw, man!

BUZZ!

Drew (laughing): He has come and gone. You know, you might see that one.

Clive: What's next, Drew?

Drew (pulling out a slip): Let's see…Casey's perverted thoughts.

(Drew, Clive, and audience laughs. Casey glares at Drew and Clive while the guys hide their laughter)

Casey: Oh crap.

(Wayne shoves Derek out onto the stage. Derek stands there for a moment, then acts like he's starting to unbutton his shirt and undoing his pants)

BUZZ!

(Casey stares at Derek, with her mouth hanging wide open. Derek, laughing, walks back and punches Wayne on the arm.)

Wayne (laughing): What?

(Colin and Ryan walk out. Colin bends over like he's touching his toes, while Ryan grabs Colin's waist)

Ryan: The letter 'H'.

BUZZ!

Casey: EW, EW, EW, EW! That one was worse that the Derek one.

Drew: I'm really going to have some nightmares tonight, I'm not kidding.

(Derek walks out)

Derek: I'm Casey MacDonald, and in today's news…

(Wayne runs out)

Wayne: You know they call me girl?! They call me Reggae Jackson!

Derek: Oh, take me Reggae!

(Derek and Wayne then act like they're making out)

Casey: Not again!

BUZZ!

(Ryan walks out)

Ryan: I wish Ryan would turn around so I can look at his ass.

BUZZ!

Casey (annoyed): Okay that's enough.

(Colin walks out)

Casey: Nooooooo!

Colin (acts like he's reading a book): Animal genitalia…

Casey: Please, no more! (to Nora) Mom, make them stop!

(everyone laughs)

Drew: Alright, alright. We'll stop for the time being. Drew, what's next?

Clive (pulls out a slip): Jeopardy categories with the 'Whose Line' and 'Life With Derek' cast members as the answers.

(Ryan walks out)

Ryan: I'll take "People Who Sit Behind A Desk And Do Nothing" for 500, please.

BUZZ!

(Derek walks out)

Derek: I'll take "Kids Who Spend Way Too Much Time In The Game Closet" for 100.

(Edwin and Lizzie stare at each other nervously, then back at Derek)

BUZZ!

(Wayne walks out)

Wayne: Uh, I'll take "Reasons Why The Letter 'H' Will Keep Me Up For Years To Come" for 400.

BUZZ!

(Lizzie walks out)

Lizzie: I'll take "Disgusting Stepbrothers" for 500.

(Edwin walks out)

Edwin: I'll take "Overbearing Feminists" for 500.

(Casey walks out)

Casey: Uh, I'll take "Idiotic Stepbrothers Who Torment Innocent Souls" for 1000.

BUZZ!

(Casey smiles sweetly at Derek. Derek, meanwhile, is shooting a death glare at her. Derek comes back out again)

Derek: I'll take "Klutzy, Keener Stepsisters Who Annoy The Crap Out Of People" for 300.

BUZZ!

(Derek gives his smirk while Casey is glaring at him. George walks out)

George: "Kid Who Are About To Get Grounded On National TV" for 200.

BUZZ!

(Nora walks out)

Nora: "Reasons Why I Started Drinking" for 500.

BUZZ!

(Colin walks out)

Colin: I'll take "People Whose Head Is A Solar Plate For A Sex Machine".

BUZZ!

Drew (pulls out a slip): The secret double lives of the 'Life With Derek' cast members.

(Derek walks out)

Derek: I'm Casey MacDonald (imitates stripper music and acts like he's stripping off a bra and panties)

(Casey quickly hurries out and acts like she's taking a seat)

Casey: I'm Derek Venturi.

BUZZ!

(Derek and Casey walk off laughing. Edwin and Lizzie walk out)

Lizzie: Hi, I'm Lizzie.

Edwin: And I'm Edwin.

(Then act like they are unzipping body suits and switch places)

Edwin: Fooled you, didn't we?

BUZZ!

(Marti walks out)

Marti: Meow! (acts like a cat playing with a yarn ball)

Audience: Awwwwwww!

BUZZ!

(Ryan and George walk out)

Ryan: We're counting on you in this mission, Agent 007.

(George imitates cell phone ringing)

George: Hold on, sir. (Answers phone) Hello? Hey Nora, I'm going to be a little late getting home. Okay, love you too. (hangs up phone) Where were we?

BUZZ!

(All of a sudden, Truman and Max come out)

Max (in a dreamy tone): Look, it's Gay-Man!

Truman: Here I come to say the day! And I look fabulous!

(Casey stares in shock)

Ryan: What the hell?!

Derek: Security!!!

Drew: Quick Colin, do your dinosaur impression!

(Colin runs out, acting like a Tyrannosaurus Rex)

Truman: Uh-oh!

Max: Run!

(Truman and Max run off. Audience starts laughing as they vanish out of sight. Colin returns to his spot)

Casey: Oh God.

Drew (laughing): Wow. Things you never know about a guy.

Edwin (toward the audience): Sam, you don't have anything to come clean about, do you?

George: Edwin…

Sam (in the audience): Nah, I'm all man! (wraps an arm around Emily, who's sitting next to him)

Derek (sighing): Whew. Thank God. Let's get back to the game.

Drew: I couldn't agree more. Clive, what's next?

Clive (pulls out a slip): A brief glimpse into the dreams of Colin Mochrie.

(Casey walks out)

Casey (acting like she's washing hair): Mmmm…mmmm (acts like she's getting more shampoo and lathering it up) Ahhhh…

(Drew is laughing hard as Casey walks off. Colin gives a pitiful look to the audience)

Audience: Awwwwwwwwwww.

(Ryan motions to the guys on the other end of the stage. Ryan, Derek, Wayne, George, and Edwin walk out)

Guys (covering their heads with their hands to look like they're bald): AHHHH! AHHHH!

BUZZ!

(everyone is laughing. Colin stares at Ryan and starts to crack up. Derek walks out)

Derek: Yeah, you were great Angelina Jolie. No, I'm not gonna call you.

BUZZ!

(Colin cracks up even more)

Drew: Giving your date's parents too much information.

(Wayne walks out)

Wayne: Don't worry Mr. and Mrs. Johnson. I'll have her home by 10. I'll be finished by then.

BUZZ!

(Sam runs over to Derek and whispers something in his ear. They then walk out onto the stage)

Sam: Don't worry Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, we'll have her home by 10.

BUZZ!

(Edwin motions over at Lizzie. Both Edwin and Lizzie walk out)

Edwin (grabbing Lizzie's hand): Dad! Nora! I'll have Lizzie home by 10!

BUZZ!

(Derek walks out)

Derek: Don't worry Mrs. Johnson. I'll have Mr. Johnson home by ten.

BUZZ!

Clive: Famous movie roles as played by Carol Channing.

(Ryan shakes his head, while Colin pats him on the back. Ryan walks out)

Ryan (in his Carol Channing voice): I know what you're thinking. Did I fire seven shots or six? Well, to tell you the truth, in all of this confusion, I've forgotten myself. So you have to ask yourself one question – "Do you feel lucky?" Well, do you punk?

BUZZ!

(Everyone is laughing. George walks out)

George (in a Carol Channing voice): Well surely, you must be the son of God.

(More laughter ensues)

Wayne: Wow, I didn't think anybody besides Ryan and Robin Williams could pull that off.

(Ryan walks out)

Ryan (in Carol Channing voice): I'm Sparticus!

Drew: Oh man, that was really funny. (pulls out a slip) Outtakes from the "Whose Line Is It Anyway: Life With Derek Edition" episode.

(Ryan walks out)

Ryan (in his Carol Channing voice): I'm Sparticus!

BUZZ!

(Derek and Casey walk out. Derek's back is facing the cameras and Casey is facing him. They then throw their arms around each other and start kissing and running their hands over each other.)

Audience: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

(Guys start laughing, while the M/V family stare in shock. Derek and Casey then act like they notice the crowd and cameras)

Derek: Oh!

Casey: He was, um, um, …

Derek/Casey (quickly): Ei-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di!

BUZZ!

(Drew and Clive are in hysterics. Edwin and Lizzie walk out)

Lizzie (holding her hand out): I told you they had the hots for each other.

Edwin: Damn! (acts like he's counting out money) Ten, twenty, thirty, …

BUZZ!

(Wayne walks out with one of Drew's cards)

Wayne: Hi, and welcome to uh, ah…oh, I'm so stupid!

BUZZ!

(Colin walks out)

Colin (acts like he's shaving his head): I need to work out a new contract.

BUZZ!

Drew (acts like he's eating a bunch of food): Yeah, I need to rework my contract too.

(Marti walks out)

Marti: Edwin, Lizzie! Smerek's back on TV! (acts like she's opening a door) Edwin, Lizzie, why are you kissing?

(Edwin and Lizzie walk out)

Lizzie: Oh, uh, uh…

Edwin: She was…

(Derek and Casey walk out and start kissing again)

Derek: You should've locked yourselves in the bathroom! There's more privacy!

BUZZ!

(George and Nora walk out)

George: God, we are so blind. Our kids…?

Nora: I knew this was going to happen.

George (acting condescending): Sure you did. And you did a great job stopping it, I might add.

Nora (pointing a finger at George): Don't start with me!

BUZZ!!!! Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!

(everyone returns to their seats)

Drew: Alright, we'll be back with more "Whose Line" right after this! (grabs the hat) Don't go away!

(throws the hat toward the camera. The hat curves back toward the audience and knocks over a stationary camera)

Drew: Oh **bleep**!

Colin (pointing at the fallen camera): Oh!

Ryan: What just happened?

Colin: The camera fell over.

(camera on the ground is filming Drew and Clive at an angle)

Drew: Oh **bleep**!

-Commercial-

* * *

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Still a couple more chapters left for this story. Don't forget to review.

- the OD


	10. Film Dub, Infomercial, Song Styles

A/N: Okay, new section is up. Wooo-hoooo! I struggled a little bit getting the format set up for the remainder of the story. I've pretty much got it figured out. Hopefully, that'll help make the remaining sections come together quicker. Also, I got a little rushed trying to get this section together, so I'm not sure what to expect in terms of how funny it is or how well it will be received. Still should have its good moments.

Disclaimer: Don't own LWD or WLIIA. It's sad. ***the OD runs into the corner, curls up into the fetal position, and cries uncontrollably)***

Now, on with the show!

* * *

Drew: Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway", the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. You know, we get to do a lot of fun things on this show. Like, during the break, we all when and took a leak in Dawson's Creek. (guys laugh) Alright, we still got a few games left before we announce the winner, so let's continue with the fun, shall we?

Clive: Alright, our next game will be for Colin, Ryan, and Lizzie.

Lizzie: Huh?

Derek: Just get up here and enjoy the fun.

Clive: They will be playing Film Dub.

Drew: A great game to play while watching 'Friends', I might add.

(audience laughs)

Clive: In this game, we're going to show a film clip with the volume turned down and our improvisers are going to make up their own words for the scene. Our scene will be the opening scene from 'Life With Derek' episode 311, when Derek and Edwin are watching a horror movie. Okay guys and girl, take it away.

(A/N: The person voicing a certain character will have the character's name beside them in parenthesis. For example, Colin speaking for Derek would look like this – Ryan (Derek): Dialogue…)

-Scene Starts-

(Derek and Edwin are watching the movie. Casey comes down the steps and looks at the TV)

Ryan (Derek): Goooalll!

Lizzie (Casey): Hey, what's all the hub-bub?

Ryan (Derek): Don't ask me woman…

Colin (Edwin): We're watching "Hoedown: The Never-Ending Story"! It's so scary!

Ryan (Derek): Will you please hold me?

Colin (Edwin): Dude, why would I do that?

Ryan (Derek): I was talking to her you idiot.

Lizzie (Casey): I'll throw in a kiss too!

Ryan (Derek): Please do!

(scene shifts to Lizzie hiding underneath the blanket)

Lizzie (Casey): What's going on? (Casey throws back the blanket to reveal Lizzie)

(Colin cuts in before Lizzie can voice herself)

Colin (Lizzie): Can I watch you and Derek make out?

Lizzie (Casey): I don't mind. Right, Derek?

Colin (Lizzie): I wanted to practice with Edwin later.

(scene shifts to the TV. Lizzie acts frightened)

Colin (Lizzie): Another hoedown!

(Lizzie hides underneath the blanket)

Lizzie (Casey): Come on, let's get some make-up!

Ryan (Derek): Sexy.

Lizzie (Casey): I really want to show Derek that maid outfit I bought.

Colin (Edwin): Wow. Sounds like you're going to fluff Derek's Garfield.

Lizzie (Casey): Yep. Move it Lizzie.

Colin (Lizzie): I'm going to go vomit over the thought of that.

(Lizzie gets up, then looks at the movie on TV)

Lizzie (Casey): I can't help Derek and I are bringing sexy back.

Ryan (Lizzie): Gross. Love you, Edwin!

(Lizzie runs up the stairs)

Colin (Edwin): Love you, Lizzie!

Lizzie (Casey): Aw, how creepy and disturbing.

Ryan (Derek): You know it's cute. (Derek grabs Casey's arm)

Lizzie (Casey): Derek, I'll be waiting upstairs in my underwear.

(Casey heads up the stairs. Derek glances at her leaving, then over to Casey)

Ryan (Derek): Hey Edwin (Derek and Edwin lean in closer) I knew she had the hots for me since she moved in.

(Edwin and Derek grin as the sit back in their chairs)

-Scene stops before opening credits-

BUZZ!

(Colin and Ryan head back to their seats, while Lizzie returns to sit with the family)

Clive: You know, I think that you all captured the characters of Derek and Casey very well.

Derek: I'm glad that you guys decided to put a little heat on Edwin and Lizzie for once.

Casey: Embarrassed much, Derek?

Derek: Do I need to throw you over my shoulders again?

Wayne: Okay, you two, you'll have plenty of time later to sort this out.

Drew: On to our next game will be for Colin, Ryan, and –believe it or not – Edwin, and it's called "Infomercial"! In this game, you are going to be three guys doing an infomercial about a new miracle product but they have to use all of these items in this box as part of the pitch to sell their product. (Colin retrieves a large box of items next to the desk) Now, what I need is a suggestion of a personal problem that may be improved by a miracle product.

(audience begins yelling out suggestions. Edwin then decides to join in with the first idea that comes to his head…)

Edwin: Gas!

M/V Family: Edwin!

Drew (chuckling): Hey, I don't believe we've done that one before! We're going to use gas as the problem. Edwin, Ryan, and Colin, take it away.

Ryan (slapping the table): Hey! It's four o'clock – it's time to shop, shop, shop!

Colin: Do you have bad gas?!

Edwin: We can smell you through the camera.

Colin: You need our help, my friend.

Ryan: Deodorants and stomach medicines do the trick for a little while, but to really alleviate that awful smell – have we got something for you.

Edwin: We have come up with a program that will destroy your bad gas and it will never return.

Colin: Right, because it will be too afraid to come back into your body.

Edwin: Don't delay, because if you keep that gas…(reaches into the box and pulls out a Barbie doll)…this is only kind of girl you're going to be dating. We don't want that, do we?

Colin: No.

(Edwin passes the doll over to Ryan to drop another box. Instead, he places the doll into his pocket. Edwin and Colin give him a weird look. Colin reaches into the box and pulls out a miniature Canadian flag)

Colin: I'm Canadian! (passes the flag over to Edwin)

Edwin: So am I! (He then pulls out a hazmat helmet) Of course, there's the old method, where you get your family and friends to wear these. But you know, this is the 21st century!

(Ryan reaches into the box to and pulls out a car air filter)

Ryan: Say Colin, what do you suppose this is?

Colin: Why, it looks like something that would clean the air running through it.

Ryan: Right you are!

Edwin: How does that help with gas?

Ryan: Well, if you place this in the back of your pants, this will filter out the gas emitted by your bum, which removes that horrible stench from the air. (Everyone erupts into laughter. Ryan holds the filter to his butt and turns toward Edwin) Here, smell.

Edwin (sniffing): Ahh, a bed of roses. (he pulls out a can of furniture polish) Say, what does this have to do with gas?

Colin: Who knows?

Ryan: Don't know how the hell that got in there? (tosses it to the side)

Colin (grabs a red driveway reflector): Now, to make sure your bad gas is going away, use the bad gas indicator. Edwin, break wind. (Edwin acts like he's passing gas. Audience erupts into laughter) If it doesn't change color, your gas is fine. If it turns black – get help right away?

Ryan (picks up a blue driveway reflector): Hey, we'll even throw in this. Colin, I'm pregnant.

(Edwin give the camera a weird look, then looks at Ryan)

Edwin (grabs a green rope out of the box): Sometimes, if you have a really bad gas problem, we have to actually root it out. Ryan?

Ryan: Yeah?

Edwin: Swallow this entire thing. (gives one end to Ryan, who acts like he's swallowing it. Colin walks over and feeds the rope between Ryan's legs, then starts pulling) It goes through the entire body.

Ryan: Oh! (Edwin feeds the rope down Ryan's mouth, while Colin pulls the rope out of his butt)

BUZZ! Buzz! Buzz!

(Drew, Wayne, and M/V family laughed as Colin and Ryan go back to their seats. Edwin rejoins the rest of his family)

Drew: And of course, we will be selling that rope after the show for 5 dollars. (Ryan laughs as he holds his head in his hands) 1000 points each.

George: Just when I thought that Edwin couldn't do anything worse than that board game about gas that he tried to create.

Clive: Anybody else feel like they need to take a bath?

Ryan (realizing something): Oh! (gets the Barbie doll out of his pocket and tosses it back onto the counter. Wayne then walks down and picks up the doll)

Wayne: Oh, he didn't mean that girl. It's okay. (gently places the doll in the box. As he walks off, he looks back at mouths 'Call me')

Derek: Better watch out Drew. They're moving in on your woman.

(Audience lets out a long 'Ooooooooooooh!')

Drew: Oh, you are going to pay dearly for that one, Derek.

Clive: I think now it would be time to go on to our next game – Song Styles! This will be for Wayne and Derek, with the help of Laura Hall, Linda Taylor, and CeCe Worrall. Now the twist is, instead of an audience member, we're going to have them sing to Nora and Casey.

Nora: What?

Casey: Uh-oh.

(Nora and Casey come up and have a seat on the stools set out)

Drew: Now, you two are going to be singing to Nora and Casey as…uh…(starts laughing)

(Wayne hangs his head because he knows it won't end well. Derek, however, gets defiant)

Derek: Bring it on Drew.

Drew: Man, I'm serving it up on a platter today.

Derek: What are we, what are we?

Drew: You two will be singing in the style of singing strip-o-grams!

(Audience and the rest of the guys erupt into laughter. Nora, Casey, and the rest of the family are in shock. Wayne and Derek look back at Colin and Ryan, which causes them to crack up as well. Derek actually walks up to Drew and looks at the card)

Drew (laughing): I told you that you were going to pay dearly.

(Derek walks back over to Wayne, Nora, and Casey , shaking his head)

Clive (laughing): So, whenever you're ready boys, take it away.

Ryan: Go Wayne! Go Derek!

(music starts)

Wayne (acts like he's ringing a doorbell): Ding-dong! Ding-dong! (then opens the 'door') I'll myself in.

(Derek runs around to the side that Casey is on)

Wayne (taking out a card): You Nora?

(Nora nods weakly)

Derek: You must be Casey.

(Casey gives an uneasy smile)

Wayne (moving his hips to the music): These words shine like an aura  
They're to you if your name's Nora  
Can you choose me a frame  
Maybe dress my window pane.

Derek (imitating Wayne's movements): Oh, let's not forget her daughter  
Her feminist ways seem to make her hotter  
Her keener ways prove she's not lazy  
Ohhhhhh, Casey!

Wayne: I love you girl, I sing this song  
When you put those curtain rods on  
In nothing but your thong

(Nora laughs out. George is glaring at Wayne)

Derek: Oh Casey, can't you see  
What your klutzy ways do to me  
You look so cute when you're angry

(Casey starts blushing uncontrollably)

Wayne: Yeah. Do you like it when you straighten up the place?

Derek: Or being controlling and yelling in my face?

Wayne: Oh yeah, Nora…

Derek: And Casey

(Wayne and Derek, still moving their hips to the beat, look at Nora and Casey. Then, each using only one hand, they begin unsnapping the buttons on their shirts. They then undo the buckles on their belts. Nora starts laughing, while Casey puts her hands in front of her face to hide the laughter and blushing)

Wayne: On Monday…clients

Derek: On Tuesday…ballet

Wayne: On Wednesday…meetings

Derek: On Thursday…tests

Wayne: And Friday, it's the best day of all…

Derek: …Because the family has spaghetti for dinner, with two great meatballs!

(Everyone in the studio breaks out into hysterics. Derek tries to look at Nora and Casey, but breaks down into further laughter)

Wayne (laughing): Ohhh, Nora and Casey.

(music ends)

Derek (laughing): I'm so sorry! (gives Nora and Casey a hug. After he finishes, Wayne hugs them too)

(all four leave the stage. Drew, Clive, and the guys are still laughing)

Drew (wiping his eyes): Oh man.

Wayne (still laughing): I feel so dirty!

Clive: You feel dirty? Just imagine how Nora and Casey feel.

Casey (laughing and blushing): Yeah. (looks over at Derek) Derek…

Derek (still laughing): Don't look at me! (falls out onto the floor laughing)

Drew: Okay, we're going to take a quick commercial break to get Laughing Boy here back in order. Don't go anywhere.

-Commercial-

* * *

Hope you still found it funny. Only a couple of sections left. For all of the fans for this story and WLIIA enthusiasts who have been patient, I've got great news...HOEDOWN WILL MAKE ITS LONG AWAITED APPEARANCE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!

Don't forget to review. Much love.  
- the OD


	11. Multiple Personalities, Hats, HOEDOWN

A/N: Wow! I think this is the shortest amount of time that has passed between updates to this fic. As I promised, Hoedown makes its long awaited appearance in this fanfic - I hope you, the reader, really enjoy it. Sadly, only a couple of chapters are left before this is done, but hopefully I'll be able to start on the sequals as soon as possible. So enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: Don't own LWD or WLIIA...blah, blah, blah...please don't sue...blah, blah, blah...

Now, on with the show!

* * *

Drew: Alright, welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway: Life With Derek Edition". Alright, we think we're ready for some more games. That is, if Derek's done laughing uncontrollably.

(Derek gives a thumbs up)

Derek: I would've been fine if you didn't have me acting like a stripper right in front of my stepmom and stepsister.

Colin: Well, how do you explain the last line you sung to your stepmom and girlfriend? (Casey clears her throat loudly) Sorry, stepsister.

Ryan: It's okay, Colin. I think we established how they felt in Scenes From A Hat.

Derek (laughing and shaking his head): It was like a runaway train, I couldn't stop!

Clive: Okay, I think we need to move on before we get Derek started again.

Drew: Good idea. On to our next game – Multiple Personalities. This game will be for Wayne, Ryan, and George.

George: Yes! (runs up on stage. Wayne and Ryan join him)

Drew: They are going to act out a scene involving three items. Each item has a different personality to it, and whoever is holding that item must act out that certain personality. If you don't mind, pass these out (George grabs the items and pass them out. Ryan winds up with a small gas can, Wayne end up with a road map, and George hangs on to a flashlight). Our scene is – a car breaks down in the forest in the middle of the night. Now, whoever has the gas can is Richard Simmons (audience laughs as Ryan shakes his head). Whoever's holding the map is John Wayne, and whoever's holding the flashlight is Scooby Doo.

George (Scooby Doo): Ruuh-ohhh! (walks over to Ryan) Why are we driving a car in the forest?

Ryan (Richard Simmons): We don't need to go find gas! Let's push that car (acts like he's pushing the car) and push it, and push it, and push, two and three.

Wayne (John Wayne): Howdy pilgrim. It appears someone's…got a flat.

George (Scooby Doo): Are gonna help?

(George and Wayne switch the map and flashlight)

Wayne (Scooby Doo): Ruh - ha. Re-he-he-he-he-he.

Ryan (Richard Simmons): Well, we should just push the care and sweat, sweat, sweat! Let's look at the map and see where we're going!

George (John Wayne): Well, alright.

(George and Ryan swap the map and gas can)

George (Richard Simmons): I know where we're going. We're going on the road to thinness! (starts jumping up and down and moving his arms) C'mon everybody!

Wayne (Scooby Doo): I know where we should go. There's a gas station this way. (points off to his right)

Ryan (John Wayne): Well, Scooby's right. According to this map, we should go this way. (staggers in the direction Wayne was pointing to, doing his John Wayne walk)

(Wayne and George swap the gas can and flashlight)

Wayne (Richard Simmons): Quick everybody. The gas station is just this way. Last time I tried to go to the gas station, they had to airlift me out of bed. But now, we can do it! (starts jumping around and waving his arms) Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Can you feel it?!

(George runs over next to Ryan, cowering and muttering)

George (Scooby Doo): That's bad!

Ryan (John Wayne): I agree with you Scooby. Fancy dance moves make me…nervous as well

Wayne (Richard Simmons): You're only nervous because you're afraid of filling up your inner gas tank! But I'm here to help you, don't you know?!

Ryan (John Wayne): Maybe he's right.

George (Scooby Doo): You take the flashlight.

(George and Ryan swap the flashlight and map)

Ryan (Scooby Doo): R-okay. (panicking) I don't wanna go down the road!

Wayne (Richard Simmons): He's afraid of the dark. He's so afraid of the dark.

George (John Wayne): You calm down, sissy boy.

(George quickly passes of the map to Ryan)

Ryan (John Wayne/Scooby Doo): R-alright, ret's ro! (staggers off in his John Wayne walk)

BUZZ!

(Guys return the items to the desk. Wayne and Ryan go back to their seats, while George rejoins his family)

Drew: 1000 points to John Wayne Brady. Man of a 1000 faces.

Wayne: I'm a big John Wayne fan.

Drew: Hey, I was as good as any of Colin's expressions. So, what the hell?

(Colin gives Drew a weird look)

George: Hey, what about my points?

Nora: Yeah, I think George did a really good job.

(Edwin lets out a slight gag. Lizzie catches it and elbows him in the side)

Drew: Alright, I'll give you 2,000 points out of Derek's point total.

Derek: Hey! I worked hard for those points!

Casey: Quit your crying you big baby.

(Guys laugh as Derek gives Casey an evil look)

Drew: Okay Clive, what is our next game?

Clive: Our next game is called "Hats" and it will be for everyone, including the MacDonald-Venturi family. In this game, they will divide up into two groups, using these boxes of hats, must go back and forth and make up as many examples as possible of the world's worst dating service videos starting with Colin and Ryan's group.

(A/N: Groups are divided up just like they were in SFAH a couple of chapters back)

Ryan (wearing a fighter pilot's helmet): Care to come sit in my cockpit.

BUZZ!

Derek (wearing a metal mask and holding a staff with a skull on it): Let me be the gatekeeper to your portals of joy.

BUZZ!

Lizzie (wearing a moose head hat): I just got out of a bad relationship with a flying squirrel.

BUZZ!

Wayne (wearing a hairpiece that resemble Don King's hairdo): You and me, on a date, January 12th, in Madison Square Garden!

BUZZ!

Casey (holding a hazmat helmet): Maybe I'm a little overprotective.

BUZZ!

Edwin (wearing a Mountie hat): Want to mount a Mountie?

BUZZ!

Colin (wearing a white had with a stick of dynamite sticking off the top): I promise you this is the only thing that will go off prematurely.

BUZZ!

George (wearing a giant fish head): I…(starts laughing uncontrollably. After a moment he gets up and takes the fish head off) I have a giant fish head on. I'm 45 **bleep** years old.

(guys burst out laughing at George's comment)

BUZZ!

Nora (wearing a chef's hat): Hey, if I can keep a soufflé up for hours…

BUZZ!

Marti (wearing a leprechaun mask): You'll be after me Lucky Charms.

BUZZ!

Casey (wearing silver hair): C'mon, it's time to high-ho Silver.

BUZZ!

George (holding a foam Toronto Maple Leafs finger): And this is just my finger.

BUZZ!

Colin (wearing a Viking helmet): C'mon, I'm horny!

BUZZ!

Edwin (wearing a rabbit mask): I hope you want a big family.

BUZZ!

Lizzie (wearing a miner's helmet): I'd like to go out for a few drinks with you, but I'm a miner.

BUZZ!

Derek (wearing a horse mask): How would you like to ride a winner?

BUZZ!

Ryan (holding a noose around his neck): It's true. I'm well hung.

BUZZ!

Wayne (hold a white female mannequin head in front of his face): Hi, I'm Michael Jackson.

BUZZ! Buzz! Buzz!

(everyone puts the hats and props back in the boxes. Wayne, Derek, Ryan, and Colin return the boxes and stools to the desk, while the M/V crowd return to their seats)

Clive: That was amazing. 1000 points each to the guys for that game.

Drew: And to keep up with gender equity in America, 2000 points each for the girls for their fine performance.

(Nora, Casey, Lizzie, and Marti clap and let out a squeal. Guys look around and act confused)

Clive: Of course, 'Whose Line' wouldn't be the show that it is without this next game.

Drew: How right you are Clive. Now on to our favorite game in the whole wide world – HOEDOWN!

Ryan: Crap! I mean, yah! (rolls his eyes)

Drew: In this special hoedown, it will be the guys, and they will be joined by Casey, George, Nora, and Marti.

Clive: Of course, we can't forget the help of the lovely Laura Hall on the piano.

Drew: And the topic for this hoedown will be Life With Derek fanfics. Now, for this hoedown, Wayne will start first, followed by Derek, Casey, George, Nora, Marti, Colin, and Ryan. So, whenever you're ready, let's hear the 'Life With Derek fanfics' Hoedown…

(Music starts. Audience starts to clap with the music)

Wayne (singing): Yee-Hah!

Life With Derek fanfics really are the bomb  
They have something for the kids and even for your mom  
Some are fairly innocent, others can get quite kinky  
My favorite fics are the ones with Casey and Derek getting freaky

(everyone cracks up at Wayne's last line. Casey and Derek give him the evil eye as he starts dancing)

Derek (singing):

Fanfics about us really are the best  
I'll admit, happy endings are better than the rest  
Others are depressing and don't end so well  
Just remember folks, I still have to Casey hell

Casey (toward Derek, sarcastically): Ha, ha, ha.

(Wayne and Derek do an elbow swing together)

Casey (singing):

Fanfics about us can be quite cute  
Other fics, however, make me want to puke  
I've got one problem – besides Derek – to get off my chest  
Why do I have to get up here and sing with the rest?

(Drew gives Casey a thumbs up)

George (singing):

I've got a secret to tell all of you  
Fanfic writers think I'm dumber than dog poo  
I noticed Derek and Casey dancing on my wedding day  
I could see the 'Dasey' pairing from a mile away

(Derek and Casey do an elbow swing together, while Wayne and George dance in place)

Nora (singing):

Fanfic writers, I admit, really amaze me  
Seeing the obvious things that Disney won't let be  
Having the kids dating, I really can't resent  
But please, writers, please…  
I'm too young to be a grandparent

(Nora and George dance together)

Marti (singing):

I love reading stories about my family  
Most of them are funny, the way they should be  
You'd think my favorites have me being a grown lady  
But I really like the ones where Smerek and Casey have a baby

(guys all laugh at Marti, while the M/V family stare at Marti in disbelief)

Colin (singing in his normal talking way):

Life With Derek fanfics really make me frown  
Don't get me wrong, they're the best in town  
This one involving 'Whose Line' really is the best  
Because Wayne, Ryan, and I are all hung the best

(Derek and George crack up. Nora and Casey give Colin the evil eye, while Wayne runs over and gives him a quick high five)

Ryan (singing):

I once read a fanfic, it was a really short bit  
For a Life With Derek story, it really was the pits  
A fat naked guy's appearance made the story scary  
Yep, you guessed it – that guy was Drew Carey

Everyone (singing): That guy was Drew Carey!!!

(music stops)

BUZZ!

Drew: 1000 points to Wayne and Colin, 2000 points to the MacDonald-Venturis for surviving their first hoedown.

Ryan: Hey, what about me?

Clive: I'll give you 1000 points for not using me in the last bit like you used to back in England.

Drew (interrupting): And minus 2000 points to Ryan for that slander. I happen to think me in my naked glory would enhance a fanfic.

Edwin: Uh, Lizzie and I have a question regarding Drew's statement…

Lizzie: Yeah…how young is too young to start drinking?

(Everyone laughs at Lizzie and Edwin's antics)

Drew: That's a matter of personal choice. Hey, stick around because we're going to find out who the winner is right after this!

-Commercial-

* * *

Hope you guys enjoyed - especially all of you that have been awaiting the hoedown. As you can tell, I referenced a couple of common themes from LWD fics and still kept some of the original WLIIA goodness in it as well.

Don't forget to read and review.  
- the OD


	12. And The Winner Is, FFD, WW

A/N: Alright, a new chapter is up - hooray! This will probably be the last update I can get to this week, because I'm going to be out of town helping my mother-in-law move later this week. Hopefully, I'll get the final segment up at the early or middle part of next week. Hope you guys will enjoy this, especially since this is the shortest chapter I've added to this fic.

Disclaimer: Don't own LWD or WLIIA. If I did, it wouldn't be on Family or Disney Channel because content and creative issues.

Now, on with the show!

* * *

(on set, Derek is sitting behind the desk. He, Edwin, and Marti are repeatedly pressing the buzzers and doorbell)

BUZZ! BUZZ! DING-DONG! DING-DONG! BUZZ! DING-DONG! BUZZ!

Drew: Welcome back to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway'! We've got a surprise for all of you 'Life With Derek' and 'Whose Line' fans…we've got two rounds of winners tonight. The first winner will be from our contestants, while our second winner will from the MacDonald/Venturi clan for being such good sports. So, the first of tonight's winners – Derek Venturi!

(Edwin and Marti run off. Derek flashes his patented smirk at the camera while the audience claps)

Drew: The points don't matter. It's all a scam. So, Derek will sit back and relax, while the rest of us are gonna play a game called 'Foreign Film Dub'. Nora, George, Casey, and I are going to act out a scene in a foreign language. Ryan will translate for me, Colin will translate for Nora, Edwin will translate for George, and Lizzie will translate for Casey. So, what we need from the audience is a language to fake.

(audience starts yelling out suggestions. Someone shouts out Canadian)

Drew (laughing): Canadian. So were going to act out a scene in Canadian. Derek, what's our scene.

Derek (reading from a card): Charming horse whisper, Drew, is flirting with his new riding student, Nora. George is Nora's temperamental husband – just like in real life – and Casey is a younger rider with a crush on Drew. So, whenever you're ready, get this train wreck of a scene started.

Drew: Eh! Oh! Eh! (Goes to Nora, strokes her cheek)

Ryan: My dear, you are so beautiful. I would like to ride you like one of these horses.

Nora (giggling): You don't have any brains at all, do you?

Colin: I know you would like to. You are so handsome. It's a shame that I'm married. (Nora grabs Drew's arm and lays her head on his shoulder)

Drew: Ya! I want to take you back to my log cabin, eh!

Ryan: Do you giggle when you say Regina?

(Everyone starts laughing. George walks out once the laughter subsides)

George: Eh! Oh! What are you doing with my wife? Eh!

Edwin: Get your hands off my woman! And the Browns suck! (George points at Nora)

Drew: Ya, the hoser and the icebox. Oh. Eh.

Ryan: Many years ago, my father built this farm. This place was built by his determination, his sweat, and his love for horses. He dreamed that one day I would take over his horse farm and find a woman who would love me and run this place with me. (Drew checks his watch as Ryan is talking) He also dreamed that I would found a football team to fulfill his lifelong desire to beat that sorry team from Cleveland. (Drew places a hand underneath his jacket to hide the middle finger he's pointing at Ryan)

(Casey joins the scene)

Casey (acts like she's flirting with Drew): Eh, you are one cute hoser. I would like to take one of your special lessons, eh.

(Everyone looks at Lizzie, waiting for a response. She develops a mischievous grin that would put Derek to shame)

Lizzie: You are cute, but the guy behind the desk over there is cuter. I'm going to kiss him until my lips fall off.

(Casey glares at Lizzie, who just smiles back at her. Casey then stomps over to the desk, throws her arms around Derek, and kisses him passionately on the lips)

Nora: Casey! Derek! We're on TV for crying out loud! (realizes she's breaking character) I mean – eh!

Colin: The young girl gave me an idea! We shall have a kissing contest to determine who I love more. I shall start with the handsome horse whisperer. (Nora looks at Drew, who grabs her and pretends to pull her into a big dramatic kiss)

Drew (breaking the kiss): Eh! Oh! Go Maple Leafs!

Ryan: Wow, that reminds me of fried chicken and hockey!

Nora: Oh… (laughs at Ryan's translation, unable to finish her sentence)

Colin: I love it when I talk about food and sports.

George: My turn now, eh.

Edwin: Okay, now it's my turn.

(Nora walks over to George, who scoops her up into his arms and gives her a passionate kiss)

Drew: Eh! Oh! (imitates gunshot) Eh! Eh! Eh! Oh! The hoser and the eh over there! Eh! (clutches his chest and slowly falls to the floor)

Ryan: Why you dirty…oh, oh, oh, ow! I forgot you had a gun! (George holds one of his hands out like a gun) Nora, I have a dying request!

Nora: Huh?

Colin: What is it?

Drew: Eh! Oh! Hoser! Eh!

Ryan: I want you to remove the bullet by sucking it out of my mouth!

Wayne (looking over at the desk): Derek! Casey! Snap out of it!

(Derek and Casey – finally – break the kiss and separate. Derek then presses the buzzer)

BUZZ!

Drew: Okay, okay. (looking at Derek and Casey) You two really got into Lizzie's suggestion, didn't you?

Casey: Drew, we're going to need a few minutes.

Derek: And we mean a few minutes.

Marti: Yay for Smerek and Casey!

George (shaking his head): God, what has this show started?

Drew: Alright, we're going to take a quick commercial break and find out which member of the MacDonald-Venturi family will be our second winner.

-Commercial-

* * *

Friday night on ODTV, a very special episode of Life With Derek!

Derek volunteers to coach Lizzie's hockey team. When Casey realizes she's falling for the coach, how will she react? How will Derek handle the news when he finds out? Catch the all new LWD episode "Crushing the Coach 2" Friday night at 10 PM after WWE Smackdown!

* * *

(back from commercial. Drew, the guys, and the M/V family – minus Casey – is on stage)

Drew: Alright now – a surprise for you Whose Line fans – another winner. The second winner tonight – Casey MacDonald!

(Casey is sitting behind the desk, holding Drew's mug)

Drew: So…Casey, how do you feel over there?

Casey (reclining in his chair): I feel powerful.

Drew: So, Casey gets to sit back while the rest of us play a game called 'World's Worst', where we stand here on the world's worst step and come up with many examples we can of the world's worst what…

Casey (reading from the envelope): The world's worst priest or rabbi.

(George steps down)

George: Hold him steady, I've had a drink. (acts like he's swinging a scalpel) Ohhh…

BUZZ!

(Drew steps down)

Drew (impersonating Bill Clinton): Yes, I heard your confession and let me tell you, I don't think you had sex with that woman.

BUZZ!

(Derek steps down)

Derek: I understand you've slept with three women. (leans to the side, whispering to another person) He slept with three women!

BUZZ!

(Colin steps down)

Colin: Hmm. Well, say ten hail marys and the 'Gilligan's Island' theme.

BUZZ!

(Edwin steps down)

Edwin: What exactly is a lap dance?

BUZZ!

(Ryan steps down)

Ryan: If you'll turn to your hymnbook, page… (holds his hand to an imaginary headphone) go, go, GO, GO, GO! (pumps his fist as he cheers)

BUZZ!

(Wayne steps down)

Wayne: I'm the Reverend Al Sharpton! The permissitude of the angressitude of the ingratiation of the whole entire nation makes for the spatially defaulted the continuity for the prophecies set for the congregation!

BUZZ!

Drew (laughing): I smell a lawsuit coming.

Wayne: Hey, I got away with it during 'Scenes From A Hat' that one time.

(Nora steps down)

Nora: So, you slept with another man? So…how did he look?

BUZZ!

(Lizzie steps down)

Lizzie (acts like she's sprinkling holy water): Indomina padre... es spiritu santu…uh, uh…ixnay on the insay.

BUZZ!

(Drew steps down)

Drew (impersonating Jerry Lewis): Well, hi, if you give me the knife and the baby! I'll give it a little cut with the hey!

BUZZ!

(everyone breaks out laughing at Drew's bit)

Ryan (laughing): Jerry Lewis as a rabbi?

(Nora snorts while she is laughing, causing everyone to laugh more)

(Derek steps down)

BUZZ!

(Casey laughs at Derek looks over at her. Colin steps down)

BUZZ!

(Colin returns to the step. Colin and Ryan step down and stand there looking at the camera)

BUZZ!

(Ryan steps down, then looks over at Casey)

Casey: No, no. Go ahead.

Ryan: Today, I will be delivering the sermon as John Wayne. (in his John Wayne voice and mannerisms) In the beginning…

BUZZ!

(Edwin steps down)

Edwin: Hello, my flock… (starts slapping at the air in front of him sideways)…I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE…!

BUZZ, Buzz, Buzz!

(everyone is laughing. M/V family all give Edwin weird looks)

Drew (laughing): Alright, we'll be right back with more "Whose Line Is It Anyway" right after this. Don't go away.

-Commercial-

* * *

A/N: Only one more segment left! I'm planning on adding one last game to the story, which will hopefully give this fic a grand send-off.

Until next time, stay classy and be safe!  
- the OD


	13. Three Headed Broadway Star, End Credits

A/N: Sorry for the long delay between chapters - things have been a little hectic for me lately. I've been trying to get work done for this story and my other story while trying to take a course to prepare for an insurance agent's exam. Also, I had a recent death in my family, so that took away from my time also. I tried to hurry up and get this chapter done - I hope you guys enjoy it as much as the rest of the story.

So, this is the final chapter (starts crying). I never thought I would get the response that I did when I started writing this story last July. Here are the stats that my story had prior to me uploading this chapter: 2952 hits, 80 reviews, 17 people placed on favorites list, and 31 people placed on story alerts. Hopefully, I will add more to that after this chapter.

Disclaimer: Don't own LWD or WLIIA.

Now, on with the show!

* * *

Drew: Hey, welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway: Life With Derek Edition", the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.

Clive: Well, here in North America, they don't. At least they meant something back in England.

Drew: Yep, the points are just like Clive's opinions – they don't matter.

(guys laugh at Drew's comments. Clive gives Drew an evil look)

Clive: Our final game of the evening will be 'Three Headed Broadway Star' and is for Wayne, Ryan, and Colin, with the help of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.

(Wayne grabs a couple of stools as the guys make their way down to the stage)

Drew: In this game, the guys are going to pretend to be a strange three-headed Broadway star and are going to make up a song one word at a time. Now, usually we just make up the song from a Broadway musical or sing to an audience member, but since we want one more parting shot before we go, we're going to sing to Derek and Casey.

Casey (deadpanned): What?

Derek (nervously): No!

Lizzie (feigning shock): Oh boy.

George (smiling): Have fun you two!

(Derek and Casey walk up and have a seat on the stools on stage)

Drew: Now, during the break, we got Edwin and Lizzie to come up with the name of our hit Broadway musical song…

Casey: Huh?

Drew: …and they chose the name "A Bed of Daseys"! That's right, spelled D-A-S-E-Y! (Derek glares at Edwin, while Casey stares wide-eyed at Lizzie) So, guys, "A Bed of Daseys" one word at a time, starting with Wayne.

(music starts)

Wayne: Something

Ryan: Strange

Colin: Is

Wayne: Happening

Ryan: Here

Colin (hesitates): Eh!

Wayne: Who

Ryan: Would've

Colin: Thought

Wayne: They'd

Ryan: See

Colin: The day

(Colin shakes his head as he realizes the mistake. Wayne and Ryan crack up)

Wayne: She's

Ryan: Real

Colin: Smart

Wayne: He's

Ryan: Real

Colin: Lazy

Wayne: It's

Ryan: Strange…

Colin: Unconventional…

Wayne: It's

Ryan: Derek

Colin: Casey

Wayne: Dasey

Ryan: Dasey

Colin: Dasey

Wayne: Stepbrother

Ryan: Stepsister

Colin: What

Wayne: Luck

Ryan: He's

Colin: Going

Wayne: To

Ryan: Give

Colin: Her

Wayne: A really

(Wayne cracks up at his screw-up)

Ryan: Good

Colin: Duck

(everyone laughs at Colin's last line. Music starts to slow down)

Wayne: They

Ryan: Have

Colin: That

Wayne: Backwoods

Ryan: Arkansas

Colin: Touch

(Casey and Derek look at the guys funny)

Wayne: It's

Ryan: Derek

Colin: Casey

Wayne/Ryan/Colin: D-aaaaaaaaaa-sey.

(music ends)

Clive: Very nice.

Casey (to the guys): I'm going to kill the three of you.

Derek: And I'm gonna…

Edwin (scared): We're sorry bro, I mean Derek, ah…

Lizzie (nervous): Uh, but…

Derek: As a corrupt older brother, I'm proud of you two, but Derek's pretty pissed and he's gonna kill you after the show.

Clive: Anyhow, 1000 points to the guys, 2000 to Derek and Casey for being good sports, and 1000 to Colin for the duck swerve.

Colin: Thanks.

George: So, is that it for today.

Drew: Not quite.

Wayne: Yeah. We need the rest of you to join us up here

(the rest of the M/V family, Sam, and Emily join Derek, Casey, and the guys on stage)

Drew: Alright, now for the final surprise today.

Nora: Oh God, what could we possibly be in for now?

Drew: Trust me, you'll enjoy this surprise. Clive?

Clive: For being such good sports and putting up with us today, we're giving you 100,000 dollars to aid with college for all of the children!

George: 100,000 dollars?! American?!

(Clive nods his head)

Edwin: Holy crap!

Drew: And as an added surprise, you are also going to receive an all expenses paid Caribbean cruise, complete with 1st class suites!

Nora: Wow!

Lizzie: Cool!

Sam: Hey, will this be open to the people that helped out with the show?

Clive: Yes Sam. Since you and the Davis family helped us out today, our offer for the cruise will be extended to you as well.

(Emily lets out an ear-piercing shriek. Sam grimaces as he plugs his ears)

Derek: Sweet! Sun, sand, babes in tight fitting bikinis…!

(Casey elbows him in the ribs)

Casey (whispering into his ear): Don't even think about it Venturi.

Derek (whispering back): Awww. I was hoping you'd wear that pink bikini I like so much.

(Casey starts blushing at Derek's comment as the rest of the family is still celebrating around them)

Casey (whispering): By the way, I need to discuss that with you later, if you know what I mean.

(Derek gives her a smirk as he wraps his arm around her waist)

Drew: So, tonight, we're going to have everyone reading the credits to end the show. I want you to read the credits as two neighboring families arguing over the fence. On behalf of Wayne Brady, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles, Laura Hall, Linda Taylor, CeCe Worrall, and Clive Anderson, I'm Drew Carey. Goodnight everybody – thanks for watching!

(WL theme plays in the background; credits roll across the screen)

Colin: Keep your Dan Patterson out of our yard!

Wayne (pretending to drink a beer): Yeah, well you know what?! If your Jimmy Mulville didn't poop all over our yard!

Derek: Yeah, I hit your Drew Carey – so what?!

Casey: I'm going to get your Mark Leveson towed, jackass!

Nora: You tell them I'm going to call the Tom Parks!

George: You can't see the Arthur Forrest through the trees!

(Ryan acts like he's spraying George with a water hose)

Edwin: Get his Eric Wilker!

(George acts like he's shooting an arrow at Ryan)

Lizzie: I'm going to sic our Keith Richardson on you!

(Lizzie and Edwin start 'fighting' each other. Casey pretends to shoot Derek with a shotgun)

Ryan: We'll blast you straight to Wes Thomas!

(Derek falls over from Casey's 'gunshot', feigning to be dead. He then gets back up and pretends to be an angel rejoining the fray)

Marti (running around on all fours): Woof, woof! Frans Koster! Woof, woof!

(the rest of the cast and family act like they are using various forms of weapons/firearms on each other)

(Music/credits end. Scene fades to black)

* * *

A/N: Before I officially declare this story to be complete, I want to thank all of the people who read this story, reviewed, and placed the story on favorites/alerts list. The support you guys and girls showed was beyond anything I ever imagined. Also, this story was the longest I have done in terms of words and chapters, which required a lot of motivation and support. So again, thank you from the bottom of my heart. If you know a friend or somebody who hasn't read this story and may enjoy it, spread the word.

Any readers who are also fans of "Mind Games" - I'll try to have a new chapter up within a week.

Now, a major announcement to the fans of this story - Stay tuned in the coming weeks and months, because there will be a second edition of "Whose Line Is It Anyway: Life With Derek Edition"! This time, the family will travel to LA and join the guys at the WLIIA set for more hijinx and mayhem. If things go good after that story, I will add a third installment - a "Too Hot for TV" version with bloopers, deleted scenes/games, etc.

Until next time, dear reader - keep classy and stay safe out there!  
- the Original Deadman


End file.
